The Heartache and Pains of Going into a Divorce


Divorce is one of the most painful events that could happen in life, and it doesn’t matter if it was mutual or necessary; the pain and heartache is a difficult hurdle to overcome. Globally speaking, divorce has more than doubled since 1970, and that rate continues to increase. You aren’t alone in how you feel. Learning how to cope with a divorce will have you back on your feet and believing in love again in no time. 

The following tips and suggestions are for everyone going through any kind of divorce, and even if it is an amicable end to your marriage.

Get Your Support System Together

Having a strong support system is one of the best ways to cope with feelings of loneliness, unsureness and other emotional difficulties. Be sure to surround yourself with your closest friends and loved ones. Don’t fight with your ex over mutual friends, and don’t fight with your mutual friends about your ex. Give those friendships a rest, and communicate your intentions with them. If you no longer want to be friends, tell them why. If you want to continue your friendships later, let them know what you are going through, but don’t get them involved.

Friendships are a lifeline in hard times. Take them up on their offers to hang out, go to dinner, shopping and just watching movies at home. They want to support you, and you should let them. It will be hard at first, and you will no doubt feel shame, but let yourself enjoy time with your friends to distract and engage you in other activities.

Spend All Of Your Free Time Doing What You Love

When you’re married, it’s easy to become complacent and let the things you love go by the wayside. You might stop going out dancing if your partner doesn’t like dancing. You might skip out on the gym because you want to go home and be with your partner. No matter what you’ve been missing, get back out there and do what you love. You will have much more time on your hands when you’re going through a divorce. Use that time to your advantage. Take a class on something you’ve dreamt of learning, or organize the garage you’ve been meaning to tackle. The possibilities are endless.

Recognize It’s Okay To Feel

Feelings of all kinds will rush through you. Divorce is a grieving process like any other, and you will feel anger, sadness, hurt, confusion, love and so much more throughout the course of a day. When those feelings come into your headspace, remind yourself that they are okay. It may take a lot of repetition to believe it’s actually okay to feel those things, but keep doing it.

Keep Family Out Of It

It’s easy to rant and rave to your loved ones, children and any other family member. The best course of action is to keep them out of it at all costs. Divorce attorneys from Wolfe & Stec would suggest that when you and your spouse have to part ways, keeping family out of that equation will save you and everyone else a lot of heartache. Involving family members in the drama rarely works in anyone’s favor, and it can work against you when you are seeking a divorce lawyer’s legal counsel.

Don’t Date Until You’re Ready

Months down the road, your friends will probably start to badger you to date again. Don’t oblige to their attempts to set up blind dates or introduce you to potential suitors. Go at your own pace. Some people are ready to date again much sooner than others. It’s okay and normal to take months or even years to recover. Learn more about what you want and need in a partner before trying and getting a bunch more heartache in return.

Consider Therapy

Messy divorces with complicating factors are traumatic. Depending on your circumstances, you might want to consider therapy with a divorce-oriented therapist. Even in the best-case scenario, people can struggle immensely with divorce. This can lead to alcoholism, drug use and other impulsive behaviors. Divorce is stressful, and sometimes your support system isn’t around. Take care of yourself by seeing a professional who can help you through it all and give you the tools to do better for yourself.

Letting Go Is Hard

Hanging onto your ex’s every word, stalking their social accounts and calling them at all hours of the day is harmful for you and your ex. Instead of remaining invested in what’s going on in their lives, practice letting go. Block them on social accounts if you are seeing their posts too often. Tell friends to stop telling you things about your ex. When you pick up the phone to call them, put it back down. You have to learn to live with indifference. Evict the hatred from your heart. Envision yourself putting the love you have for your ex into a box, and then put the box away. It sounds silly, but it works.

Take Care Of Your Needs

We all have needs, and you may not realize what those are until you’re going through divorce and trying to figure it all out. If you need to be social, then be social. If you need to eat healthy and follow a workout routine, then do that to your best ability. Sexual and emotional needs matter too. It’s not wrong to feel like you need to fulfill those needs while going through divorce. Be sure that you have a safe and healthy ways to meet your needs.

Practice Letting Go

Letting go is one of the hardest things. People often think of it as an immediate thing that happens once. In reality, letting go is something that people have to practice repeatedly. When you start to replay memories that trigger crying, that’s a time to practice letting go. When you slip into bed at night, practice letting go. The more you do this, the better you will feel. At the end of the day, you have yourself and your loved ones, and you don’t need a marriage that wasn’t meant to be. It’s okay to feel like hanging on, but that’s all the more reason to practice letting go.