OPINION: Stop the Gender Wars!

Let me start off by saying this post is going to ruffle more than a few feathers… and intentionally so. There are some topics that are long overdue to be aired out. It has become painfully clear that the moral fabric of society is rapidly deteriorating. There is an ongoing gender war that is spiraling out of control with no end in sight. Social media platforms and reality shows are plagued by the endless battle of the sexes: arguments about why women are better than men, how much a man should earn, what women bring to the table, and the list of distracting and divisive narratives goes on.

In my previous article, I called out men for not stepping up as better fathers. I chastised them for failing to be the fathers their children deserve. But as the old saying goes, “The tick that knack the wild goat, knack the tame one.”

With that said, let me be clear: there are a significant number of women in Antigua and Barbuda—who claim to be proponents of the women’s movement—who are, quite frankly, bitter and hurt. Whether due to past failed relationships or perhaps because they “play for the other team,” they have turned their personal bitterness into an agenda. Instead of pushing for meaningful advancements in women’s rights, they disguise their hatred for men under the veil of advocacy and spread it far and wide via social media. Sisters, what are you doing? Stop it. You are breeding a society of “Ms. I don’t need a man” but has a different male friend for every problem they need solving (and somehow expect them to eagerly be willing to fix it while wanting nothing in return.) Psychotic?

Then there exists a group of old male chauvinists that I liken to the gendered version of white supremacists, who somehow believe they have been divinely ordained as some kind of superior beings. Are you all collectively out of your blasted minds?

The truth is, men and women need each other. Together, they are the two halves of singular human existence. If you have no interest in being in a relationship or marriage, this post does not apply to you. Today is not your day, please move to the back of the class. To the other members of our society; please play close attention.

The modern woman today is being taught what to expect and demand from a man. But no one gets to say what a man should expect from a woman—because, how dare a man put his mouth in “women’s business”? The so-called “false empowerment” of women today teaches young women to prioritize finding young men with the accomplishments and wealth of someone much older, who will provide and protect in every way, all while expecting to make no meaningful contributions to the relationship because they have been dubbed “the prize.” Young women are now apparently embracing their “soft-girl era.” Allow me to burst that bubble: You are not the prize! No one person in any relationship is a prize. A healthy relationship should consist of two people who love each other and are willing to help build a future together through both times of ease and difficulty. The bond and future they create together becomes their prize.

Let’s talk numbers: the working class in Antigua and Barbuda consists of approximately 41,000 people, with roughly 30,000 of them earning $3,000 EC dollars per month or less (I stand to be corrected on the accuracy of these figures to date). About 72% of the working class earns $3,000 and under. If we take away all the people who are already married or in relationships, and exclude the women (as the focus here is on young men), what remains is a pocket of young men who are expected to go into relationships and pay for 100% of everything because they are expected to be the providers and protectors.

These young men, until they marry one of our young women, are expected to own their own home, a vehicle, and fully maintain their own households as well as that of the woman they are seeing. This means paying her bills, providing money for hair, nails, and spending, and bearing the cost of entertainment, whether it’s dining out, going to fetes, movies, day or weekend passes, or maybe it’s the popular sip-and-paint. If they cannot live up to these social media standards or relationship achievements, they deemed as “broke” and end up being shamed for being part of the working class. Are we taking into account the mental health struggles faced by young men today? (I will leave this subject for another time.)

Of the other 28% (approximately 11,480) of the working class, approximately 65% (approximately 7,472) are already married, in relationships, or uninterested in a relationship. Among what remains, we again exclude all the women (approximately 52% of 4,008), leaving an extremely small percentage of the population that holds higher or high-paying jobs, (approximately 1,924). Is this the small pocket of men that our young women are expecting to marry? (mathematicians and statisticians, feel free to share the updated data in the comments section)

I’m focusing heavily on the women today because there seems to be a lack of sensibility and accountability within the sisterhood. Ladies, you are spoiling it for yourselves. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. You want to hold unrealistic expectations of men, demand their respect, and have them make you wives while you “embrace your sexuality,” dress immodestly (for example, the popular naked or topless birthday photoshoots posted on social media with only your fingertips covering your nipples or crossing your legs to hide your private parts). You want to explore your “hoe phase,” act classy, bougie, and ratchet, all without any judgment. You want to keep a few men in rotation as long as they can cut the check? Have we completely lost it? This monetized transactional view of relationships is mind-boggling. The moral fiber of our society has eroded so severely that if we do not curb these issues immediately, our future is in jeopardy.

The harsh reality is that not many of you are seen as viable partners for serious relationships by the few men in higher-paying or prestigious jobs you tend to pursue. Many of you distance yourselves from the good men in the working class in favor of trying to impress the affluent few who would never even introduce you to their families. Then a few years later, those are the same men you’ll end up turning to once you’ve “racked up some street mileage,” and you’ll probably expect them to happily become fathers to children you may also now have. Please to be for real!

Here is a known statistic: in the Caribbean, there are more women than men who are tertiary-level educated—that is, they have pursued academic studies beyond high school. Strangely enough, when women attain higher levels of education, they tend to think that they are “out of the league” of the men in the working class, they should be with affluent men, or believe they don’t need a man at all. Meanwhile, when men achieve professional or academic success, they often think about how to better provide for their families or how to start or grow one. Men are not concerned with the accomplishments and accolades of a woman unless she can help build their domain.

For example, ladies, with your business degrees, there are good men who mow lawns. Why don’t you partner with him to build a landscaping business that could grow into something much larger—hiring more workers and securing contracts with homeowners, hotels, and businesses across the island. The worth of a good man isn’t measured by his wallet but by the value of his heart.

To make a long story short, social media influencers have learned how to monetize divisive topics and exploit them for personal gain, amassing hundreds of thousands of followers while we, the public, feed into it—making them MILLIONSof dollars in the process. I speak on this issue with every ounce of urgency and veracity it deserves because it is vital. Families in Antigua and Barbuda are fundamental to maintaining the moral fabric of society by instilling values such as respect, responsibility, and integrity in future generations. These core values not only shape individual character but also foster social responsibility, ensuring a cohesive and harmonious community. Beyond their moral role, families are essential for the country’s social and economic stability, providing emotional support, contributing to early education, and preparing the workforce. They also support the local economy through caregiving, small businesses, and preserving cultural traditions. However, the breakdown of family relationships threatens this foundation, weakening moral values, eroding community ties, and diminishing the support systems crucial for national growth. Without strong families, the transmission of cultural identity and ethical principles may falter, jeopardizing the nation’s long-term cohesion and success.

As we reflect on these pressing issues, let us remember that the power to change lies within us. We must stop perpetuating cycles of blame and instead focus on building bridges of understanding. It is time for both men and women to take responsibility for their roles in relationships and families. Let’s come together to redefine our narratives, challenge harmful stereotypes, and prioritize love, respect, and collaboration. If we truly want to create a better future for our children, we must start today by fostering healthy relationships grounded in mutual respect. Together, we have the power to strengthen our families, our communities, and ultimately, our nation. Let us make the change!

Sincerely,

Proud Citizen of Antigua and Barbuda

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