My overweight wife is no longer attractive

12

Hello Kate

I am no longer interested in my wife sexually because she gained a lot of weight.

When I met her, she was plump and that attracted me to her. Then after our third son she became heavy and unattractive.

I no longer feel comfortable with her in public and she just looks like a cow to me.

Always sweaty and stuff I guess because of the excess fat. I love my wife but that weight isn’t attractive.

Actually I find myself lusting over smaller women which is the type I have always wanted.

Do you think I should speak to my wife or just let sleeping dogs lie?

Lean Man

 

Dear Lean Man,

Let me start addressing your concern by opening your eyes to something you probably are not aware of “you don’t love your wife”.

Phewww…It took some sweat to tell you that. Secondly a person’s weight has nothing to do with their inner being, however, it can cause serious implications.

I believe you were more into your wife’s flesh than you are into who she really is.

A man with an overweight wife would encourage her to lose weight. He can make suggestions to her like changing the diet and eating habits in addition to exercising together.

But to come here with this pathetic excuse for your seeming desire to lust after other women is tantamount to adultery.

If you cannot address the matter with your wife the way a loving husband would; then let your wife alone. Don’t “sweat” over it.

Kate

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12 COMMENTS

  1. After she bore your 3 children? “She was PLUMP and that attracted me to her” then you go on to say “Actually I find myself lusting over SMALLER women which is the type I have ALWAYS wanted.” Which is it? PLUMP or SMALL? Sounds like you liked her BODY but not her as a person. I hope you are one heck of a hunk with bulging biceps and cut all over. Otherwise you are being a hypocrite!! If something TRULY bothers you, then why not talk about it?? Or have you already “checked out” and “moved on” to SMALLER bodies???

  2. Kate…once AGAIN well said…..

    Did you politely sat her down and express your concerns…
    Did you also suggested ways for her to shed SOME pounds like encouraging her that you both go for walks …change her diet …IF 1st you tried a positive approach to no avail …then tell her about her health risks…
    What IF they shoes was on the other foot…dnt use her weight gain as a poor excuse to lust …which leads men to cheat…..
    No amount of kids should be the excuse for any woman to eat bad that gain excessive weight…a woman should have pride in her appearance….

  3. Marriage is for KEEPS…..as the husband you are to lead ..clearly your not a LEADER…CLEARLY she was getting out of shape inch by inch it was then your responsibility to say something not watch her get to that point where its unattractive to you …your the husband you are responsible for her its your job to take matters into your hand then…. now if she refuses to adhere to you then she would be deserving of rebuke….
    I swear you punks do the mostest…
    Buy her a gym membership n encourage her …

  4. Dear Kate you are Ridiculous, your purpose should not be to address this man in that manner, but to help, give guidance in some sort of professionalism way. My observation is you kate is just a voice in the alley but not to give non bias advice. Tell him to love his wife not tell him he’s an idiot

    • @ Truth.. Kate is absolutely correct,while reading its exactly what came to mind.He do not love his wife” I am trying to understand what you mean by telling Kate she should tell him to love his wife,is that your interpretation of love? When you love someone,no one needs to tell you,you know and the person does to..

      • Why doesn’t he love his wife? So you measure love just off of weight? His wife doesn’t love him or she would care about changing her lifestyle to save her marriage. Love isn’t unconditional otherwise people would love everyone. He met her bc she offered things as we all do when we meet our others. When she stopped being the person she presented is when he stopped loving this new person. He loves the person he met, his wife. This new person is not his wife. It’s like if my husband were to stop surfing with me or eating healthy, which was a criteria for me in choosing my spouse. They had to be active and healthy. That’s the person I married. If he were to stop, not due to physical ailments, then I would be with someone who is not my husband. NO ONE should live to struggle for years. Our lives are short and there is no law that says that we have to struggle for years in hopes of happiness. What kind of love or life is that. I think people who stop taking care of themselves is selfish. I think they are selfish especially if their partner takes vows seriously.

  5. I have to assume that everyone who agrees with Kate is overweight and feels that this is acceptable. When I met my wife, she was thin and attractive. Now she is overweight and no longer attractive to me. That does not mean that I don’t love her, it just means that I don’t want to have sex anymore.
    I make a constant effort to ensure that I stay lean and cut, as I was the day that we met. It’s a 2 way street and both parties need to make an effort. When the woman alone stops making an effort, why should the man the ridiculed? It’s not unfair for one party, who puts in all the effort required, asks that the other party also put in the effort.
    I read a lot of articles that say that the man is being ridiculous and should not require a way to maintain any level of fitness. This is a ridiculous concept in itself. Anyone who thinks this needs to get a grip on reality and take a long hard look at their life and think about how they’re ruining the lives of their partner with their selfishness. Put in the effort to look good for your significant other and quit being lazy and ridiculing people who have standards

    • It’s pure utter bullshit when someone says that you don’t love your spouse bc they’ve gotten so fat you find them unattractive. Love is a two way street. Becoming so fat you look different is not who the person married. When someone gain some that much weight there are other changes the spouse has to deal with. For instance, I married someone who is equally active and cares about health. The minute he starts to become lazy and eating junk food would be like a lie to me. If I wanted someone like that, I would have married him. If he cares about this relationship, he would maintain the lifestyle he offered me in the beginning. I can deal with things that come with age but gaining 30+ lbs is not part of aging, it’s a choice. People really hold people up to staying with a spouse but we have a very short life. How much do you have to spend miserable, physically restrained before you put your own needs ahead of someone else’s? Why are we told it’s ok to struggle for years just to try and be happy? That’s not life. People need to be accountable for their weight and stop blaming others when they are told the truth. I would be honest. I would also get therapy and set a time in your own head-reasonable-where your spouse has to change for yourself, and for your kids. I would be repulsed if my husband was sweating bc he had gained that amount of weight. It’s a sign of not caring. Our lives are so short that we shouldn’t have to constantly cater to a spouse who isn’t n turn💋, doesn’t care about your needs to.

    • U shouldn’t be ridiculed. I’m a woman and no one should have to stay with someone that makes them that unhappy especially if they don’t care enough to revert to the person you married. Not only would I be pissed but I would feel like this person lied to me and sold me their best just to hide the worst. It’s like marrying someone who doesn’t drink but then becomes an alcoholic. Or someone who runs daily but now sits on the couch. People married people bc they had commonality and if you take that away then it’s nonlonger the person you married and you shouldn’t feel bad for leaving. I’m talking about a person who refuses to change and refuses to take their spouse into consideration. My friends are always on me about making sure I go to the gym and when I refuse to cheat on my diet. They call it a diet and I called it a lifestyle. On Sundays when I want to eat that huge plate of pasta and have a piece a cake or a whole cake for that matter, I don’t feel bad because I can still fit into my size 0 jeans the next day. I also am really healthy, and successful because I feel like my lifestyle has afforded me that since I have the energy to work harder and my friends are always on me about making sure I go to the gym and when I refuse to cheat on my diet. They call it a diet and I Collett a lifestyle. On Sundays when I want to eat that huge plate of pasta and have a piece a cake or a whole cake for that matter, I don’t feel bad because I can still fit into my size 0 jeans the next day. I also am really healthy, and successful because I feel like my lifestyle has afforded me that since I have the energy to work harder and When you take your appearance seriously other people will too. My sister was 100 pounds at 5 feet tall one comp when you take your appearance seriously other people will too. My sister was 100 pounds at 5 feet. She was a runner and her body was like Selma Hayek’s but very toned. When she got pregnant, she use that as an excuse to not work out and to eat king size bag of potato chips and sit on the couch. When I came to see her when she was in labor, I walked out of the room because I did not even recognize her. She gained 130 pounds. Her boyfriend ended up leaving her because after a year and a half she wasn’t even taking care of her self or it was a nightmare for her to even get she was a runner and her body was like Selma Hayek‘s but very toned. When she got pregnant, she use that as an excuse to not work out and eat king size bag of potato chips and sit on the couch. When I came to see her when she was in labor, I walked out of the room because I did not even recognize her. She gained 130 pounds. Her boyfriend ended up leaving her because after year and a half she wasn’t even taking care of her self or it was a nightmare for her to even get dressed. He’s lucky he got out when he did. People can call them and asshole for leaving her but fast-forward 10 years later and she had six more kids and is 250 pounds. When I show people pictures of her when she was 20 they think it’s a different person. How is that fair for anyone? She basically stopped doing anything she used to love, stop dressing up, and stop caring about the things that made her attractive. what’s funny is that she makes Fun of me for any flaw she could find. I know this is about larger women versus skinny women. They always have something to say about women who are skinny. They say that we’re not normal or we don’t enjoy life because of food. They think food is the only thing that life has to offer. I love being able to go into any store and know that whatever I want to buy I could fit.
      If your spouse doesn’t change this lifestyle choice, people will cheat. You can’t deprive Mann of sex and expect them not to want it somewhere else

  6. It is hypocritical to say to this man that he needs to accept the fact that his wife gave up on taking care of herself and as a extention her marriage.
    I always find it curious how our society declares extremes like anorexia a disease but now declares plus size as a badge of honor that should be celebrated. Both are extremes and both are wrong. You don’t need to look any further than type 2 dibetes among other physical complications caused by obesity as proof that the human body is not designed for obesity.
    Let’s switch things around for a minute and assume that lean man decides that after supporting and providing for his family for years, taking care of him self and making romantic overtures to his wife decides one day to Quit his job, get obese and stoo the overtures.

    SHOULD HIS JUST ACDEPT HIM FOR WHO HE IS AND WOULD YOU TELL THE WIFE THAT MARRIAGE IS FOREVER NO MATTER WHAT?

    I DON’T THINK SO.

    His wife need to take responsibility for her self and for her marriage.

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