My husband and I of 3 years have been having marital problems for some time now. My husband states that I’m not there for him emotionally and I put my family before him and the ways in which I speak to him, he does not like it… These problems I’ve stated have been there from since we got married and I admit most of them is true, I’m not really an emotional person and I find it hard at times to cuddle etc which are things that he likes, my friend circle is really small I can count on 1 hand the amount of friends I have so I cling to my family I’m not a party girl and I find simple pleasures in staying home an reading a good book or keep my house tidy… Over the years my husband has tried his best to be there where I fall short emotionally he’s told me countless times how he feels about it but I just taught he was being a big baby and always brushed it off because I taught we had bigger issues then trying to be cuddly…
After hurricane Irma last year my husband was transferred to another island to assist and was eventually stationed over there to work… Financially we were in the red and we both agreed him working over would help with our financial situation as it would bring in more money… I got another job also to help… I wasn’t able to the island because of the 2 jobs I had and I taught he understood…
Late last year I started noticing a change in my behavior, he stopped communicating with me… Knowing I would’ve flown off the handle if I called and asked him what I going on I opted to message him, my first message was read and I got no reply, a few days later I attempted to message him again it was then he revealed to me that he was not happy and started to bring out the issues I mentioned about. I was so angry and frustrated with this man because I honestly taught we were passed this… So I told him it makes no sense continuing this marriage if he’s still holding onto the pass… I admit I didn’t mean what I said and I just wanted him to realize what he’s losing…
A few weeks later he came home and I taught that this was the opportunity to try and fix our marriage, but when he came over he didn’t come back home, I tried, I begged, I pleaded with to come home and let us work on our marriage, I even got countless people to talk to him to let him know I was sorry and I was willing to work and fixed all that he said was wrong in our marriage…but to no avail..
He just didn’t care anymore….
I even asked him to have intercourse to which he turned me down an said I should find someone to have it with because he’s not there… I recently found out that he’s in a relationship someone he met on the island he denied it at first until I found pics of him and this other woman… He has done countless things since that has left me embarrassed and ashamed… At one point I told him to choose this girl or his wife- he chose her.
He has completely blocked me from his life he won’t even take me calls..
Even after all this I still want my husband to just come home and let us work on our marriage.. even after all this I still love this man endlessly…even after all this I still cry every night and every morning because he’s not there…
I just miss my husband so much…
Am I being foolish for wanting a man that clearly doesn’t want me anymore?
Dear Broken Wife,
You are not being foolish by wanting to be with your husband. But you were foolish to brush off his complaints.
He complained to you for the first couple of years in the marriage that you were not there for him emotionally.
When people are not there for each other emotionally it can have some serious effects. Humans have the tendency to stay where they feel comforted, loved, happy and all of that.
You fell short of providing that for your husband and we found it somewhere else.
I don’t think he was being a big baby when he told you about his emotional needs. I think he was being honest and for a man to admit that it means he was greatly affected by it.
I am sorry for your hurt but you have to face some hard facts. One of them is that your marriage could be over. And you face it, then you won’t be able to move on.
If he is publicly displaying his affection for his newly found love, then it means that they are serious. It also means that he doesn’t care anymore about continuing the marriage with you.
I am not blaming you. However sometimes we have to listen to our partners cries even though we find it petty and trivial because to them, its a concern.
Accept that your marriage is over. Then begin working on yourself. In order for anyone to be filled up again, they must be emptied. So there is hope. It may not be with your husband.