My friend’s toxic relationship is killing her, literally

3
Dear Kate,
I have a friend who is an emotional prisoner. It started in her youth with this one older man, we’ll call him LP. He controlled her, physically abused her and in his worst fits, he even let his friends have their turn in the abuse.
In 2004, in a desperate state, she left that man. She was about 23 at the time. She found someone else who tried to understand her but who ultimately wasn’t perfect. We’ll call him P. His flaws started to spook her. I had moved away but she wrote to me often about her fear that P was a really bad guy, and that it had been a mistake to leave L. When I asked where all this was coming from she reluctantly confessed that L had been calling and texting her, making promises to do better and treat her right if she came back to him. I told her, of course, that the man was poison and not to be trusted but she persisted in entertaining his pursuits.
Eventually, she did leave P and take up with L again. It’s been nearly 4 years now. L obviously hadn’t changed though he had a new wardrobe and learned some new words. He treats her far worse than before. Still, she didn’t seem to understand why. B understands it even less. He still hopes she’ll get a clue and find her way back to him. She has other suitors too but she claims she can’t take them seriously.
Now Kate, my friend is not a young woman anymore. She is 36 years old and half dead already.
She hasn’t listened to me all these years but maybe if she hears it from some else, maybe if she sees it all laid out like this, something will click and she will finally snap out of the spell (Stockholm syndrome) she’s under. But it probably doesn’t work like that.
Still, this is my Hail Mary, Kate. I can’t watch this absurd tragedy unfold anymore. She has a choice to make and I genuinely hope she makes the right one.
Concerned & Frustrated

Dear Concerned & Frustrated

Your friend obviously has some serious issues. Issues stemming from deep within hers. She seems to have no “self-love” which is usually triggered by esteem problems.

Any woman who loves herself will not sit by and let a man use her as his punching bag, far less to have his friends take turns.

And when she finally gets away from that torture, she runs right back in?

This signals someone who needs help. More help than you and especially me can give to her.

You can suggest to your friend that she seeks professional help. It’s really up to her if she wants to take your advice, but based on all you’ve said, your friend may be comfortable in her situation.

Kate

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3 COMMENTS

  2. To the editors of this site there is no Dear Kate today. What happen you guys caught up in this joke show elections😡

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