LETTER: Black women and the choices they sometimes make

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Black women and the choices they sometimes make…

Black women are beautiful, hard- working and intelligent creatures. We must thank them for being the backbone of our society. Many of us were brought up in single-parent households led by women who many times had to sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of their children. We know that children don’t ask to be born so there is no commendation for a parent simply doing what they are supposed to and then almost guilt- tripping their children.

However, many times, women had no desire to parent on their own but had children with irresponsible men so these women “had to do what they had to do.” Many of these women from times past did not have much access to education and did not know better. The options for ways to enrich their lives were limited and the struggling black mother became normalized and somewhat expected.

We’re now living in advanced times where many women are well- educated. Quite often, we see women posting about their academic achievements and take on being educated as an integral part of their identity.

However, the cap, gown and graduation pictures too many times is where the education ends because our black women in our society continue to allow themselves to make piss poor decisions in other areas of their lives. They allow themselves to be burdened by men who clearly have no interest in building a stable family home. I would want to think that being educated would reflect in better life choices but many times, I’ve seen “educated women” wind up with men who don’t have a pot to piss in, can’t write a proper sentence or a man whose ability to provide may be significantly impeded because he already has children all over like a stud on a plantation.

Let’s do the math, if a man has to care for himself and children in many different households, how can he really have money to sufficiently build a bright and prosperous future with these young, educated women? Women who claim to be smart still wind up popping kids out for these men and men who have shown minimal interest in them. The most they can do is post up glittery maternity photos trying to do a Shein- style take on Beyoncé’s pregnancy photoshoot, maybe have a gender- reveal party with a man who looks like he was dragged to attend and that’s as far as it goes into building the family because no wedding bells are to be heard.

I have seen an educated woman lament how strong she is for being a single mother and doing it all on her own. Now, I definitely agree that her child’s father ought to step up and face his responsibility but I could have told her the man was not serious about that “relationship” so I don’t know what outcome she could have expected other than being the stereotype of a black, single- mother.

I am not saying that marriage is the end all, be all. However, it has its benefits when it comes to building generational wealth and creates the stability for a family to grow. Women be real. How many of you prefer being baby mamas over being a wife and mother? I’m sure some of you are saying there are a lot of women who are married and miserable… true. However, many are married and miserable and choose to stay within the marital home because there are still benefits to it.

If you do get married and it just isn’t working then you can leave but at least give yourself a chance. Don’t say you don’t want it because you’re afraid it won’t happen or you find yourself unworthy of being someone’s wife. This isn’t meant to cause women to hide in shame but to cause women to choose better for themselves. Wouldn’t you like to have your family under one roof? The benefits of pooling your income? Someone already at home to help out with child-rearing? A partner already at home to leave the kids with when you have a girls’ night? Legal protection? Come on. Let’s keep it real.

Black educated women are sometimes too interested in trying to be cool, showing they are still “down” by twerking online and showing they still have it going on after allowing themselves to get pregnant for a man who will be out the door by the time the umbilical cord is cut. I believe regardless of the situation men need to take care of their children but I truly believe black women can choose better and view ourselves differently. We are more than our behinds and breasts.

Worth more than photoshoots. Stability is something many women want and there shouldn’t be any shame in black women pursuing it. I can’t see any other race of woman being ashamed to want more for herself. If you don’t want kids, fine. But these struggle relationships and fragmented families we have going on aren’t ideal.

There’s a viral clip going around on social media saying, “You thinking small when you need to be thinking big.” Women, black women it’s time we start thinking big and make EDUCATED decisions in our personal lives. Do not give this an emotional response but truly think about it.

Think big.

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8 COMMENTS

  1. bullshit. so much cope in this.

    what about the countless men forced into situations they don’t want because of a conniving black woman? why yall na hold them accountable for their own action and stop pushing blame on men over and over.

    we all know black woman or rather woman in general like the so call “not good men” cause they fun they don’t care about them and most woman love that type of behavior because they can run to the sisterhood and say they changed him, i can point out over 200 men right now all been turned down woman because they educated and have family goals and want to build a family but the ladies consider them to be boring and not FUN.

    just like how almost every woman nowadays always talking about hot gyal summer and wanna thot it up all the decent men just slowly walking away from this bs and the more a woman earn the more she feel like she can disrespect men.

    FOH with this post

  2. An academically accomplished independent black woman can indeed vet before she fetes when seeking a partner to build with, but when the pickings are slim and Mr. Right is not attainable they will more oft than not settle for Mr. Right Now.

    The lady and the tramp is a tale as old as time and I doubt the narrative will ever change because there are many varying and unassailable factors involved concerning attraction, romantic relationships and a woman’s personal preference. Some black women who were born and raised in the Caribbean and are part of a nuclear family will not be attracted to men who are like their fathers even if their father was/is a traditional man, a man with upright principles that other black men should emulate. And then there are those black women, and men, who were sold a pig in a blanket, the persona their love interest portrayed was sweet as honey when in fact that person is bitter as bile.

    The article’s writer should take solace in knowing millennials and the following generation, male/female of every hue, are mostly focused on achieving higher education and are less likely to have children out of wedlock and get married before they are financially stable as per the Stanford Centre’s research on Longevity. Wisdom skips a few generations then comes back full circle.

  3. Where are the educated black women going to find the educated black men ? Go to any college or university and see how black women out number black men. Black women therefore have difficulties finding a comparable mate. The few educated black men have choices and don’t necessarily seek black women as mates. Because of this, educated black woman have a hard time getting married unlike other groups. A lot of black professional woman are marrying white, or settling for a man not on their level or just having a child on their own.
    A lot of black men chase quantify, in terms of physical appearance rather that quality.
    Black women, like all women, are just looking for a loving compatible man to share her life with. Have you observed how many educated and professional black women are unmarried?

  4. Education is great, but it comes with a massive ego and a sense of socioeconomic elitism in most people. There is a reason you hear people brag about their attendance at Yale,Harvard or many of the elite schools in the world. Most very educated people, do not have a clue about the nuances of dating and being social, and most times lack the sex appeal for the opposite sex. So most men like the so-called bag girl, and most women likes the so-called bad guy. The trick is to find a balance, like the “lady in the streets, and freak in the sheets” lol. Anyway this article reads like it was written by someone who lost a partner to one of those ” so-called bad boy/girl”

  5. Let us first educate our men into the accommodation called family, which those who marry and those who do not know very little about the expectations of the man of the house. It comes from the hundreds of years of fcuking and breeding for Massa to expand his enslaved ownership.
    No man had to be strong except in the field, the boiler room and in raping uncooperative females whom Massa ordered to be fcuked and impregnated.
    Black women on the other hand had to be strong, raising the many fatherless children whom they knew they could only protect just so long before they were sold, raped by Massa, his son and all the men picked to breed them.
    Black women of these unfortunate men today strive with all the lawlessness of the plantation still in our men, raping us, our girls, our boys, their girls and not even knowing they are committing a crime against family.
    Black women continue to be strong raising our family and trying to raise better young men, little by little we will stop raising rapists.

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