Dear Kate,
At age 12 I lost my virginity to my cousin of similar age and our sexual relationship is still current at the age of 25.
Now the problem is I do have a boyfriend outside this relationship and have been pregnant in the past. And because I’m ambiguous of who the father might have been the pregnancies where aborted.
Kate, I love my boyfriend but the passion and excitement I get from my cousin keeps me wanting more.
I know it’s wrong and would love to stop but I don’t know how to end it.
Please help
Cousin and cousin
Dear Cousin and Cousin
Oh, my. When I was growing up old folks use to say cousin and cousin make a dozen. I never figured out what that meant until after reading about your dilemma.
For anybody to be caught in a situation like that is pretty sad and very serious.
You need to begin by facing the facts. Number one; this is a case of incest. You cannot be in a sexual relationship with your cousin. Secondly, you have committed murder several times to be more precise. Thirdly you are cheating on your boyfriend.
First things first. You need to repent. You also need to end things with your cousin. Your boyfriend needs to know what you’ve been up too. You need to tell him about the abortions. You may also need to tell your cousin that.
I’m not sure if he may want to continue a relationship with you. But prepare for to accept whatever decision is made.
If you don’t do anything and continue in this abomination, then the consequences could be as brutal as death.
You have a choice. Now make that choice.
Kate
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Dear Kate…. “Murder? Repent?…Death?’ you’re very dramatic. Of course this unhealthy situation should stop, but this young lady could probably have done with a bit less drama in the advice.
I agree. Sounds like Kate is Ready to hang her at the gallows and this is the 16th century. It’s more of a mental health issue and a Health issue. Multiple abortions may cause scaring and may hinder chances of a healthy pregnancy in the future. Continuing a sexual relationship with your cousin is just mentally unhealthy. You are commuting multiple sins as most of us do and have. That is between you and God. You may want to pray for his guidance in making b tree life choices. You seem young and confused and maybe a bit emmotionally damaged. Many of us had kissed a cousin as kids, but u straight up are enjoying a full blow sexual relationship, unprotected with a Cousin as an adult. You definitely need to pray for and seek some guidance in making better life choices young lady.
This is quite a Christian answer, and as much as I get the point… less harsh advice could have been given here. She does need to leave the incestuous action and let it be…. telling the boyfriend in this day and age will leave her alone and scorned…. she just needs to stop with her cousin and continue her curent relationship in peace.
So she cheating on her man with her cousin and she should 🤐? That makes no sence. What we live in a Society if no consequence now? She wrang de man and d man must continue in that toxic relationship where he get knuckle from she cousin😲. That’s just crazy Mr Rabbit.
They aren’t married. She can do as she likes . Further more this column Is bogus.
Hun, leave both cousin and boyfriend. All sin are equal according to the bible so don’t beat yourself up for the mistakes you’ve made. Just try to change your life. Find activities to take up your time. It’s not all about sex. Take time to take care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually.
Best advise ever
I have learnt that you can tell your lover ANYTHING but not EVERYTHING. I do not subscribe to the behavior of “cousin and cousin”, however exposing all that dirt is certainly not going to help in this particular situation. I propose that this you sever all sexual ties with your cousin, and stay faithful and committed to your boyfriend. If passion and excitement is what you desire, then the onus is on you to let your boyfriend know what rocks your boat.
Wow! I just smell the judgement coming off that response try separating personal reservations from a public help column.
Judgement? So now if a person say something is wrong and he/she needs to repent they are judgmental?🤔 I guess the Bible says he who have no sin cast the first stone, but it never say if a person is wrong nah tell them to ask for forgiveness. In my interpretation it is saysing don’t talk illl of them nor scorn them but encourage them to do better. That Sir/mam is not being judgmental.
That’s what I’m saying too. She didn’t mention being raped by her cousin so its seems the sex is highly consensual so its just a plain act of nastiness. They are just trying to find excuses to justify this act of shame
Listennnnn…I’m gonna be campaigning heavily so …me gwarn until March22nd….
I jus can’t I cannnntttt….
If she’s unsure of the father y she saying “cousinbaby”…
Meah go get my nailz fe start put up my players as..
Later Kate…
Posters*
There was no guidance there for such a decision made to become sexually active at 12. I see this as a cry for help and she needs it. Nobody is perfect.
you asked what you should do.. If you want to continue f*ck your cousin just f*ck him. Leave your man and have a open relationship with your cousin. Sounds sick hmm?? .. you are having sex with him already. If it sounds wack STOP THE BS. quit it. I sure you know how to close your legs so just stop it with your cousin and progress to better things. We all make mistakes. you made a mistake and your should learn. stop repeating the same thing over and over again. Things will get better once you
start thinking appose from acting without thinking ..
I don’t believe that Kate was professionally trained in this field of work. Her replies often times condemn more than provide solutions for the person seeking advice.
Do you what it means to be exposed to sex at that age in that nature? It grows with u. Known or unknown as times, to the point where Pycological help is needed. It will not be easy to get out of it hun however need to have that burning desire to get out of the situation as well and the only way u can is by seeking an intimate relationship with God. You can also find someone who is spiritually mature to help u on ur journey. In spite of it all what ur doing is wrong but God still loves you. ❤
Leave Kate alone…She real as Ever!! Some of yall need a rude awakening. Yall too nazztyy
I take it you are perfect and never have or never will need any emotional help. It can be very easy for a situation like this to happen. You only have to see some of the conditions in which a number of these young girls live. Absent parents, little to no adult supervision at home and a whole host of other problems that make them vulnerable and easily taken advantage of. Don’t be so quick to judge, just be thankful that this is not something you have to overcome.
Ok, most of the comments are a bit harsh.
This female is asking for help and the response was unacceptable and reckless.
Families do things that are unacceptable to each other. Incest has been taking place between father’s and daughters, mothers and sons, etc., for way too long.
As a female who has been molested by my adopted cousins, and lost my virginity by being raped by my cousins baby daddy at the age of 12. Yes a grown ass man! That scared me for a very long time, and I would gind myself in similar and became a very angry teen and young adult. The fact is growing up in such environments has one believing it’s normal behavior. The behavior is learned and adapted. When brought to light, you get judged, scorned, and no one has anything good to say about you. No one ever took the time to find out what was going on with me, or cared about why I was doing certain things. All they did was drop words saying, “She never going to amount to anything”. Yall, yes yall Antiguans are still so freaking small minded and illeterate. Get your head out of you butts: listen more, talk less, and try placing yourself in this persons position for a moment. If you don’t have anything good to say then I suggest you shut the hell up. Yall are so freaking pathetic.
Yall lack empathy, for this person who has acknowledged she is in a situation that is confusing to her at most. Yall act like your holier than thou, stop with the nonsence! Clearly, she is confused, because she has a long-term, emotional connection to her cousin and loves him; hence, the challenging of ending the relationship.
The abortions on the other hand may have been a bit extreme, because in this day and age she could have gotten DNA tests, problem solved. More than one abortion, then that is careless/reckless, but still her choice.
God has placed strangers in my path to help me get my head straight and my life right, and I’m so grateful and thank Him everyday.
Cousin and Cousin.
I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this type of situation. I will suggest visiting a psychologist. I did to get the help I needed, cause I was heading down a distructive road, what I now refer to a rabbit hole. If I didn’t get the help I so needed, I probably wouldn’t be here righ now to give this advice. Seeing one doesn’t mean you’re crazy or deranged. Find one who your comfortable with, someone who is going to listen and help you understand your behavior without judging you, and then help you find a solution that will be helpful for you. It might mean you need to remove yourself far away from both men and not look back. I removed myself from my situation and have never looked back. Now I am at a place in my life where I help others who are misguided to find their way. I pray you will find the passion and peace you deserve. Never allow anyone to define you or tell you who your are or are not. Know yourself and you can become someone of influence and respectful. Our past experiences can often make us better and stronger women.
Kate, the one thing I see here is that you may be catering more to the trash your readers want to hear rather than a caring, empathic, and non judgemental person counselor/advisor. Listen more and take time to process the information for maybe a day or two, before responding. It would be nice to get professional opinion. Bear in mind that sometimes the responses we offer can end up having an adverse effect on those seeking advice and result in negative consequences.
Read, process, and understand.
God bless you all!
Cleopatra 11:06am, February 27, 2018
Dear Kate,
This is clearly a situation where guidance and empathy is needed… Clearly there is the issue of wrong doing however, I think the advice on telling her boyfriend should be reconsidered based on the fact that neither we or this young lady knows the mindset of her boyfriend…what if he reacts irrationally and causes bodily harm or even death to her… How will this be justified… We have all fallen short of the glory of God… I’m not condoning her actions but reasonable thought must be given to this
Isn’t that the stupidest advice ever from a trained person………
I don’t think anything was wrong with Kate’s response. Yall have a problem with hearing the truth. Kate never said that God didn’t live the young lady, all she told her was to repent. Isn’t that what she should do? She’s already in a nasty situation that can cause alot of problems so she needs to be honest to her bf. Yall on her being hypocrite when men are killing women over the least so if Kate told her that this could result in death that’s just the reality of life. Remember that the sex is consensual, she didn’t say her cousin raped her so there is no excuse for this nastiness.
This has to be the most nasty Dear Kate I have read so far. Come on Kate you can do better.
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