Dear Kate: My Man Drives But I Still Take The Bus


Dear Kate,

I need some advice on a little problem in my 3-year relationship. 

My boyfriend makes me wonder if he truly cares. I guess he may still have a bit of things he need to brush up on.

He has transport and I often have to beg him for a lift to get to work. He would not on his own just call and say he’s coming for me.

He works shift and I know he’s tired but when he’s available he does not come off his own, I have to beg him for a ride and that should not be. 

I have to catch two buses to get to work. I’m coming from way round south to town then have to catch another bus from west bus station to another village.( it is easier for him to drive through fig tree drive to drop me to work or pick me up). 

He lives 10 minutes away from me. Now I know men who make it their priority to make themselves available to drop and pick up their women from work without her having to say. I rarely bother him. He neither asks me if I have bus money nor even lunch money. Nothing. 

At times my neighbors see me on the road waiting for the bus and have to offer me a ride. They would also ask me where is my man, why he allows me to catch the bus so often and sometimes I’m out in the rain.

I make excuses and say he is tired from work. One of my neighbors also stated that he can’t let his woman catch the bus once he’s available. He’s not waiting on her to say come, he knows the time she needs to get to work for so he’s going for her.

I feel a way cause as a man you should know off the bat what you should do if you so much care for your woman. Also, some men make it their business to give their women money without her having to ask. If I want money I have to ask and he never once dear thinks to himself let me give her a little extra.

So if I ask (for example) for a $20 you better believe it is just the $20 I’m getting.

Sometimes he makes it seem as if it’s a problem for me to ask him because when I do ask, he has a weird attitude before he gives me. These things irritate me. I have never cheated on him but for how I feel he gives me the urge to do so.

I have reached a point in which I believe I deserve better. Some people may not find what I complain about an issue but some would be in a similar position and understand exactly how I feel. 

To the men out there if you have a good woman, treat her right, do things for her without her asking, be the man that you should be to earn all her respect, love and trust. 


Dea Stranded,

This is a sad situation, if things are in fact as you state them. Not that I doubt your story but I am hoping for your sake that there is another side to this story.

Some say chivalry died long time ago but I am still hang on to some hope. I know your letter to me focused a lot on the aspect of transportation but I know that you just used this as a good example of the treatment meted out to you.

It is clear to me though, that perhaps your man is losing feelings for you. This is evident in the fact that he doesn’t seem interested in going the extra-mile for you (no pun intended).

Something tells me that he has not always been like this but I guess now that he has gotten what he wants he no longer values it. Its like a child with a new toy only to discard it after christmas.

If you are interested in salvaging this relationship you might want to discuss it with him but from the way it sounds your man is long gone.

He seems to be immature and clueless about a relationship and what it should entail. 

Talk to him about your concerns. Let him know that his interest in the relationship is too careless.

If he is really just clueless about the whole thing then he will try to change.  If not then it’s time to hit the road.



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  1. Miss Lady,
    Run for the hills.
    Are you sure he is working shift when it may be that he has another woman? Why think about cheating with a ‘sugar daddy’ when you are not even in a marriage, just move on. Anyway, you may need this relationship for other reasons not stated here, but based on what I am reading, you can do bad by yourself.

  2. He’s not your “man” honey, he’s just a good friend. He must be extremely good looking or has something “big” to offer that has kep you in this relationship for this length of time. You are worth more than this treatment. Believe in yourself and move on. There are some good men out there who would treat you right. Stop settling for less and find one who would be more loving, kind, tenderhearted, generous…and treat you the best!

  3. You’ll see how fast he offers you a ride if another man is offering it to you. Your man is just too comfortable in his relationship or he really doesn’t care.

  4. My dear, re-evaluate your importance in his life. If you are not his first priority, you need to move on. He is not your boyfriend.

  5. I haven’t heard it mentioned that the lady had a conversation with the gentleman about the issue of transportation. She did mention that he works at night. Have that conversation and see where it leads, he might be oblivious to the the situation.

    • Alex… How can he be oblivious to a situation like this after 3 years. The lady didn’t say 3 days… Some men does really wake up late in life, and when they get the same treatment they cannot deal with it… I’m sure she may have spoken to him about it and she shouldn’t have too… He should act as if he loves her… He obviously does not or else he wouldn’t treat her like crap…

  6. Stranded:
    A working definition of “Stranded”: is left without the means of moving from some where or some place “.
    Ironically that defined your love life as you relate the current issues.
    Stranded YOU have brought the current situation upon yourself. Firstly a man is obligated to his wife and any favours that he grants to a girl friend is ” a privilege “!
    You are a working adult balance your budget and be financially independent. If your current job is not paying you enough get a second job.
    Your boy friend has no legal obligations to you. His transport and his CASH are his.
    Your present mind set and expectations have degenerated you to what my grandmother usually called “man convenient and “floor cloth fu man”.
    As a consequence the Times you currently spend with him spend it on a second job. Don’t depend on a so called Boy friend to supplement your income .
    .Emerge from that gutter mentality and inferior complex convert your spare time into well needed CASH!
    God help them that help them selves. Life is saturated with numerous Challenges, its not a BED OF ROSES
    Eradicate that Antiguan Begging mentality Pronto.

  7. Dear Reader,

    It doesn’t need a scholar for you to see this young man doesn’t like you that much! You are looking for husband material in these immature guys walking around the place. You have to pray and wait on God to send you the right one like I did! In the meantime, you need to work on being independent as in this moment you are not the best wife material you can be! Go get you some zeros on your savings account from your own sweat and get your own vehicle. Stop allowing these farts to embarrass you! You apparently don’t know your own worth! Good luck!!!

  8. U not his woman y are women so dumb ..if u know man if him love u you would shoeee him away the way how he would be under u…..u dint even have to ask for a ride

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