Dear Kate, My husband verbally abuses me

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Dear Kate,

I have been with my husband for over ten years now and the relationship was really good. We just got married last year and now it’s like all things are turning for the worst. Nothing I do now ever makes him happy, he complains about everything and it even gets as bad as he tells me to go away and move back home with my parents. I refuse to go back to my parents because I am an adult.

He constantly curses me everyday about my weight, about how his life would be so much better without me, how the wedding day was the biggest mistake of his life and how he regrets it so much. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband and I know he has some kind of love for me, but it’s as if all these negative thoughts and his actions are coming from a higher, or should i say lower, power (the Devil).

I just wanna make my marriage work because we make a really good team together but at the moment we are really down financially. I do all I can do to support him in whatever way I can. He says I’m fake because no one can be that nice and that positive, I told him I can’t act, and no one could put up an act for that long. Look I love my husband with all my heart and I just wanna make it work.

Right now am trying to make children, it’s a bit tough but I am just trusting God.One time he wants to have kids with me soo badly and another time he says he don’t want nothing to do with me.  What should I do? Because almost every other day or even two, three times a day he tells me to go back cause he doesnt want me.

Down n Depressed

Dear Down n Depressed,

If your husband can admit that your wedding day was the biggest mistake in your life then that is a clear indication that your marriage is on the brink of collapse.
I cannot imagine a husband saying so many harsh things to his wife and I have seen verbal abuse leave people with scars that last a lifetime.
If this man is saying to you he doesn’t want you then why are you trying to hold on? My dear; if someone wants to walk away from you let them walk.
Someone once said “your destiny is not tied to anyone who doesn’t want you and you should not beg anyone into staying with you, loving you, talking to you or even appreciating you.”
And… everything is “the devil” and if you claim that you do everything financially, then your husband should be even more appreciative.
Spending some time away from your husband is probably the best option for now. I say let him be. Maybe he will come to his right mind and realise that his mistake was not marrying you but his lack of ability to appreciate a good woman.
His loss anyway.
Best,
Kate

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8 COMMENTS

  2. Kate….TDJAKES said that comment….If a person( family frens husband wife)wants to walk away from you…LET THEM…your destiny aint tied to anyone but GOD…

    I feel sad for this person ..now I have never been married but I believe in marriage…. it can be for keeps …..IF both persons are committed to it and each other..

    Have you sat him down and ask him why hes behaving this way and what triggered these cruel outbursts..did you all live separately until marriage….did you all sought spiritual counseling befpre entering into marriage…..did he lose his job ……ask the hard ?s and if his behaviour continues …leave…or YOU will develop low self esteem issues.

    No self respecting woman should ever let a man( be it her husband or not) tell her TWICE he dnt want her…
    Best of luck sis..

  3. As a married woman I feel for you. It sounds as if your husband is throwing off his insecurities and inadequacies on you. Maybe he knows that you are too good for him and to him. I know and I truly understand wanting to hold on to that relationship that lasted for years, especially now you are his wife. Honey, you have got to love you first. Respect you, value you and know your worth. You are too good to be going through that type of abuse and you deserve better. Now I would advise you to try and have a heart to heart with your husband. See if counseling will help. It takes two to make a marriage work and if after you have been fair enough, you have tried enough and you are all prayed out, you may have to make that hard decision and leave. Don’t worry about what people may say, they can only talk for a while. What you should be thinking of now is your happiness and peace of mind. You deserve better! Sometimes the love of our life comes after the mistake of our lives. All the best to you.

  5. Dear Down n Depressed,

    I have been married for 20 years so I speak to you with some authority on the subject. Your husband is clearly telling you that he does not want a marital partnership with you. Sometimes past events and experiences manifest themselves in different ways that can adversely impact the way a person interact with others (even the people they claim to love).

    Maybe you can pray about it and then sit with your husband and have him tell what he really wants. If he decides that he would rather be alone them maybe you should grant him his wish.

    Know your worth girl……you can do much better than this.

  7. Sounds like he is seeing someone else, and don’t know how to say, he rather you leave, and therefore he does not have to feel guilty, get rid of him, he is a louse,

  8. Mam are you serious?? You” THINK”he has some sort of love for you?? Well maybe he does, the love we all have for our friends & Acquaintances.certainly not the type Man& Woman as a couple should have for each other in order to keep a relationship strong. i must say you,re an extremely strong woman or just in denial. I would run as fast as my legs can carry me.

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