DEAR KATE: My Husband Is In A Freaky Sex Group


Dear Kate,

My husband is in a weird club that involves sex with multiple people at the same time.
He goes out to these meetings. Secret meetings but I am never privy to it. 
It is held every Wednesday night somewhere on the east side of the country.
Whenever he comes home he’s tired and restless.  Its never that way when he have work meetings.
His phone has a lock but I removed his sim while he was asleep and put in my sim. 
I did get to see some photos on his phone. Apparently they won’t stored on the sim.
And there I saw parties.  Naked women. Orgies going on. And the same cloths he had on Wednesday are the same in the photos.
I even saw men with men. Some faces I recognize. This has changed my feelings towards my husband. 
I don’t know how to even look him in the eyes. 
I want a divorce. Am I being too hard?

Concerned wife 

Hello Concerned Wife,

You will be well within your rights to ask for a divorce for something like that.  Your husband has exposed you to many things including diseases.
Being faithful is the foundation of one’s marriage and when that is compromised the entire house can come crashing down. 
You are going to have to tell him what you found out. You can’t just up and divorce him without letting him know.
He may not want to tell you too much about this secret society that he has going on but at least let him know that you know.


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  1. Don’t divorce your husband, join in on the fun! Why get divorced just because of sexual kinks? Next time, just ask him if you can tag along – you might enjoy it also! Stop being so conservative and closed minded.

    • Join in on what fun?? You call such lewd, lascivious behaviour fun?? No wonder we are in such a MESS. She is a MARRIED woman (I didn’t see her mention it was a POLYGAMY marriage where she agreed to be ONE OF his wives). Hope she does some blood tests ASAP and close off her legs and emotions to the UNFAITHFUL, ADULTEROUS “husband”

  2. You better leave that mason sick man just imagine all those souls u have in u from them……and people wonder y the ladies bipolar

  3. But they have the female meetings also lol u better believe that shit but i guess its for charity lol and worshipping jesus lol u need to see the females in action where they meet multiple men then speakes about it in the group….some sick people,girl leave him with his group

  4. Careful. Be cautious in how you handle this as you could put yourself in great danger. This is a secret for a reason and you now know the secret. Be smart and be safe.

  5. My friend let’s get it straight and separate the Facts from Speculation!
    . Simply put a fact is something that is known or proven to be true with supporting evidence. To put it another way a fact can not be disputed.
    On the contrary speculation is forming a notion or theory without firm and supporting evidence. Case in point your gut feeling or suspicion etc.
    Based on your letter the facts. are thus:
    1) You and your husband live under the same roof.
    2) He leaves the house on Wednesday night’s. You did not state in your letter that he told you exactly what he is going to do or precisely where he was going ; hence your version is highly speculative!
    3) Your letter noted that you saw parties, naked women and orgies. However your letter was silent as to whether or not he was an active participant in the daid activities.
    Being present at a venue doesn’t furnished evidence of participation. To reiterate you are extremely speculative; hence you have absolutely no evidential grounds for a Divorce at this juncture.
    Therefore I recommend that you continue to probe into his socialization until you acquire the relevant facts and evidence to support a Divorce Case.
    Divorce Court requires firm reliable corroborating evidence not speculative or emotional testimonies.
    Who God put together let no one put ASUNDER. Amen.

    • Well, one fact is that she saw him in the photos wearing the same clothes he wears leaving on wednesday nights. The speculation is whether the event actually took place on a wednesday night meeting. The fact is that he was in one of the photos wearing clothes she recognizes. She failed to mention whether the photo shows him in a sexual act. She has to confront him first and hear how he explains this…then she can decide. Whatever the case, she can at least claim irreconcilible differences….

    • LOL “Who God put together let no man put ASUNDER”

      SO who divorcing all them people?

      In the first place no church can issue a marriage license.

      Marriage is done at the court registry. NOTHING TO DO WITH GOD…..

  6. To search a spouse belongings without their express consent and knowledge is Gross disrespect on the part of the searcher, such is the characteristic of a spouse with low self-esteem and morale; furthermore it is a terrible Violation of the other partner’s privacy and it shows a lack of respect for one’s spouse! Additionally it conotes a significant degree of porous security and a depletion of confidence and trust in that relationship. At this juncture I will reiterate some old adage
    ” De mo you look de less you go see” and “wa eye no see heart no grief ”
    Please at all times cultivate positive thoughts and you will be saturated with positive energies.

    • Victor… U chatting a load a crap… we always think we know until the shoe is on the other damn foot…
      No wonder we all just so haps a dat these days cause anything goes… welder she search or not, this is not something he should be going out and doing… he has already broken his vows to her by doing this…

  7. Leave him. He is lost. He wouldn’t be doing this if he was grounded in himself. He would be open and honest about it if he actually felt in his heart he was doing something good and healthy for himself. He is treating himself, as well as you with disrespect. Obviously he is feeling guilty, that is what you picked up on and why you became suspicious. He owes it to himself as much as to you to be honest. If one cannot be honest, there is no trust and the bond has been broken. God or no God, you need trust to keep any relationship together. You need to nurture yourself and follow your gut. Stay strong, Sister! Confront him. Ask where he goes on Wednesdays. He surely will lie. He’s not proud of what he is doing. If he wants to heal himself from the self loathing that is fueling his behavior, you can be a support for him, but do not become an enabler. Take care of yourself first.

  8. Some of ya’ll talking bout go wid flow… go wid what kind a flow… a flow where sickness and diseases can be contracted… a flow where obviously these ppl have lost their senses and also their respect for their partners… I say yall need to be put down… it’s so sad…

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