DEAR KATE: I’m not sure which brother is my child father


Dear Kate,

This is not the best way to start any year but I found out I am six weeks pregnant and now I am worried.

My fear is not because of the pregnancy itself but because it would be for three people. Two of them are brothers.

Before you judge me please understand that I am in love with one of them but we had a misunderstanding and weren’t talk for three weeks.

I reached out to his brother and we ended up having an affair. It was just that.

Also, last month I travelled to St Kitts and after a party I also had sex with another guy. I don’t know his name it was really just random.

I am thinking of having an abortion and not telling any of the men about it because really and truly it will destroy the man I love.

Please tell me what to do.


Dear confused,

You seem to be in a real serious situation and firstly you need to tell the man you love what has happened.

I don’t know how he will handle it but I assume his first response would be to lash out and naturally feel hurt.

Having an abortion is the choice of every woman but whatever the consequences are that person is going to have to deal with it.

You cannot seek to correct something that is wrong by doing something wrong.

The first thing would be to tell your partner. If you decide to keep the baby then you may have to do a paternity test to know who is the real father of the child.

This is truly a sad situation but take courage and do the right thing.


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  1. Oof, I would speak with the partner and run a paternity test, if it’s his consider keeping it, if it’s not do the abortion. Also before going any futher think back in terms of date of conception, etc to try and at least have a rough guess.

  2. Look… u just nasty to tell u the truth. U even went to st kitts n had a random unprotected sex? U need to check urself n ur head. N that brother is just as nasty as u. How can u look in the mirror knowing wat u did?
    This is the reason we hv so many broken homes. Its bcuz of women like u. U gonna turn a brother against a brother. N I can bet u still hv sex with ur man.
    Kate… tell the woman the truth. U too a flip flop. She narcy in she arse.

  3. 1. Tell them nothing.
    2. The choice to abort or not to abort is a personal decision, and one that only you should make.

    I dont’t know how old you are, but you sound a bit young. You don’t appear to be ready for a committed relationship or a child. So for heaven’s sake, use protection in any or all future encounters.
    For all the judgemental responses, that I see above, all I can say is… If the good Lord did not want us to have sex, he would not have made it so much fun.

    • Of course abortion is still considered by many people to be a form of murder, the snuffing out of a human life. They might be right. The taking of human life by any means is simply wrong.

      • I think that would depend on the circumstances. if you know that you have a genetic disorder that would cause a child that you had birthed to live in pain for 2 years then die, would you abort it at conception, or birth it ?

  4. It is sad how people put their trust in a condom.

    Similarly people has high expectations of the police and they to commit crimes.

    No paternity test is needed it is your child the village should raise the child not the father remember….

    You are not nasty you are doing what is natural, you are in fact very normal.

    It is persons who deny themselves such a joy is ob normal.

    If more people only understood the immensity of life they would celebrate you instead of being judgemental and hypocritical.

    Conforming to societal norms goes against your nature how can it be right.THINK THINK THINK

    SO many nasty people have children and are not married. WHO MADE SEX NASTY? YOU?

    • Rastaman. You ah kill me. Murder…Remember all she need is some peninsulin or antibiotic for any STD.

      • @Truths and rights. It is her right to share herself with whom ever she feels.

        Children should never be a burden but a joyous privilege.

        STDs we’re designed to curtail breeding in Africans. It’s a scare tactic.

        I am not sure of your age but certainly while I was growing up we had no such issues.

        • Rastaman
          Spouting rascist bs again.
          In 1950 sub-Saharan Africa had just 180m people—a third of Europe’s population. By 2050 it will have 2.2bn—three times as many as Europe. If UN forecasts are right, sub-Saharan Africa will have 4bn people in 2100 .

          Moses suggested killing the non virgin women to wipe out STD’s in his time, and the Egyptians were trying to treat them.

          So just what is your basis for the proposition that STD’s were invented to scare Africans and stop them breeding?

          • @PaulV If you can understand the following statement my point was well made


            The truth is buried deep within the consciousness of those who Seek…So strive

  5. Just wondering if you have any moral principles or spiritual grounding? You seem to be on a slippery slope, and the end result might not be too pretty. You need help, lots of help. The church ladies will be glad to pray with you at the Holy Altar as you get your life in order. There is hope. Your story is very sad. What happened to make you like that?

    • Damn church ladies and their prayers probably worse than anything this child can inflict upon herself right now. Let them mind their own houses and their own businesses. Sure she might need some guidance, but doubt that it will come from them or the church, or any priest with the wandering eyes, or his hand held out for your money.
      just call me ” hate religion and its child molesting priests and its gossipy do good church ladies with a passion.”

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