Dear Kate, I want to be with a man instead


Dear Kate,

I am a 25-year-old man and I am still a virgin. And I don’t think I am attracted to women. Ever since I knew myself I liked men. I had many women interested in me and we dated but when it came down to being personal I bowed out. It’s because I knew I wanted to be with a man. I come from a religious family. They would disown me. In fact, my dad is a pastor. They keep wondering why I don’t have a girlfriend yet but I’m scared to tell them that I want to be with a man instead.


Dear helpless,

We live in a society where it seems that gay people are taking over the plant. So coming out of the closet should not be so hard for you. I’m pretty sure you will get the support from all the LGBT groups and the other committees set apart to champion their cause. But when humans were created, man was made for woman and vice versa.   So wanting to be with a man is against the principles of the ruler of the earth. And there will be consequences. We are free to make any choice that we want pertaining to our lives and face the consequences as well. It’s your choice.




Real life problems and Kate’s real life responses.

Have a problem? Write to Dear Kate at [email protected]

All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that results from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.

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  1. Kate, You are ignorant, heartless, and cruel to give this “advice” on something you clearly know nothing about. Plus you have no authority to guess what you think are the “principles of the ruler of the earth”. People used to say such superstitious things about black people, interracial marriage, women’s intelligence, etc. Homosexuality has been a part of God’s creation since the start. If you’re going to give people advice, try not to tell them such stupid things in the future.

    • Steven has got to be joking. Homosexuality was never part of GOD’S plan. He created man for woman.

    • Really Steven? Reallyyyyyy- Homosexuality has always been a part of God’s creation?? Well sorry to burst your bubble but god never made Homosexuality.I am going to be even more harsh than Kate and say its of the Devil,its immoral,disgusting and filthy.Anyone who finds himself trapped in that world should seek out God for themselves and ask him to remove the scourge,there is absolutely nothing normal or right about Homosexuality.

  2. Are you for real? Kate is coming from such an ignorant perspective. Will you be preparing him for the ridicule and high levels of scrutiny he is about to recieve? If you can’t be impartial to your biases….. You shouldn’t be giving anyone advice.
    I’m not saying you don’t deserve and reserve the right to you opinion but how about giving advice that is not laced with your bias and homophobia. How about telling him to weigh the pros and cons of coming out rather than praying and hoping he has the support of LGBT activists? How about telling him to take baby step in telling someone he can trust first so he has personal support? How about telling him to ensure he has a plan b and ensuring he is mentally prepared for the positive or negative results of his decision.

    What you did was try to lure him out and feed him to the pack? Young man, do not listen to this woman who clearly has no empathy or care for your situation. The best idea is to find some you trust and prepare for what ever step you plan to take.

    Kate you are awful….. and for some reason I don’t believe you exist. Because if you did, you would have some sort of compassion as a human being especially for such a sensitive matter. If you do exist….. You should not be giving any advice to anyone nor should anyone take advice from you. I truly hope some is making a joke about this piece because it’s a bunch of bullshit.

    • So what your saying, is that he should hide his true identity? Because of fear of what people/society think or might do? Seems pretty coward to me, if u stand for something and truly believe in yourself and your beliefs you wouldn’t have to hide your practices from anyone despite the way our world is run or what people think, probably because you should be doing such activities in the first place perhaps? Until men start becoming pregnant you have no foot to stand on, even though harsh she does speak some truth… it would also be wise to take into consideration her disclaimer……

      • Whoever you are…….. where in my comment did you hear me say “Hide yourself”. I would’ve thought I spoke rather clearly. Or maybe you didn’t read to understand. I never said hide…… all I have said in synopsis was to “prepare”. Coming out is not something you do because you just want to get out there. It is something that he needs to have the strength and the courage to do. He needs to prepare for the good and the bad that comes with it especially I religious households.
        I’m sorry if my words were to hard to understand so I hope this clarifies what I meant. And if you understood what these people had to face most times….. You wouldn’t be too quick to called them cowards for want thing to be ready for what’s to come. It is not cowardly, it is smart and take more courage than you or I can imagine.

  3. In the beginning he created them both male and female. Get your facts straight STEVEN. It was never Adam and Steve nor Eve and Eva it was male and female , opposite attract.
    God’s word is the last word come what may or how you feel it is what it is.

  4. Someone has asked for genuine advice for a tough situation and you’ve responded with this garbage. Shame on you! Time to rip you a new one.

    Firstly, your terrible “advice” is not helpful in the slightest. It was dishonest and obviously biased by your religious views and ultimately it boiled down to “God hates gays. It’s your choice.” — utterly useless! Further more, as a “Christian” where is your compassion? If you could not set aside your personal biases to provide some genuine advice, you should not have responded to this question. You epitomize everything that’s wrong with Christians in this country.

    Secondly, I want to address your claim that “gay people are taking over the plant” (it’s “planet” BTW, please proof read before you post). Perhaps I’m expecting too much of someone who is clearly intellectually lazy. Have you looked at any stats? The actual percentages of people who identify as homosexual are single digits in most places, that can hardly be considered taking over the planet. Additionally, the percentages people that are gay have probably been fairly consistent throughout history, it’s only now that people are free from religious persecution (in a civil society) that they can admit it openly. Don’t confuse the percentage of people who are actually gay, with the percentage of people who openly admit to being gay.

    Thirdly and most importantly, you are either really dishonest or exceptionally ignorant. It is not easy for someone to come out in Antigua. There is still a massive stigma around same sex orientation, and even though you tout LGBT support groups/communities as some sort of valid option, it just isn’t. An LGBT group is not going to prevent your family from disowning you, your community from shunning and ridiculing you and employers from discriminating against you. Simply put, you are incorrect — it is not easy, at least not in Antigua.

    Lastly, you say “We are free to make any choice that we want pertaining to our lives and face the consequences as well”. The same way, the OP can make a choice to come out or not. You (and other Christians) can choose to be hateful bigots or to show love, kindness and compassion. Unfortunately, from your article it appears you’ve elected the former. For shame!

  5. I support Kate’s answer , being very neutral on the subject. in everything we do in life there are consequences for actions. (1) Its free will to do as we please (2) its not what written in the good book. lets take a look at Pascal’s Wager at . Lets not get ahead of the game here.

    im not homosexual but i support my homosexual friends in all they do. if they wanted my advice in their preference it would be the same that kate gave, its their choice , it dont affect me, but if there is a god then there will be ramifications.


    • You need to realize that Kate isn’t coming from a Neutral perspective but a bias one. If she was neutral…. then she would first be empathetic before giving such an advice.
      Her advice has huge ramifications for him. This guy didn’t choose to be gay. Nor is he looking to accepted. He is looking for a way to be understood so he can figure out himself. It is hard to constantly hear you are going to hell and you are basically nothing if you are a homosexual. Many have fallen ill to a fate of depression and suicide. Kate didn’t take any of this into consideration. If she did….. she wouldn’t be so quick to have him launch his life into the unknown. She is no expert but her advice has consequences as well.

      All I’m trying to say is that….. it isn’t as easy as just telling them. It is a mental weight and struggle that most people can’t handle. And it would be wise not to assume because gays are allegedly taking over the planet, that all have the same inner strength to handle the struggles of their life.

      I strongly disagree with her advice…….

  6. Sandra Wa Happen…Your son he be? A fu why you a tek tabloid serious? De a muss be laffing yah now fi you believe them tings affi true. Go read a book gyal or make some tea fi u pikinigga dem. Stupid gyallll

    • You need to understand…… I am not necessarily doing this for me or for pleasure. I am asking this because there is that one young individual who may be naive enough to think this is “Good advice”. There readers naive enough to agree with the advice and push others to do the same.
      It shows that someone actually cares about the message being brought forward. It’s the same advice I would give to a pregnant teen or a molested child. The only difference in the message is that this guy happens to be gay.
      Even if it’s not real….. it is up to us to show our humanity in the way we speak to and advise others

  7. We are all getting angry at Kate, for what? There is a disclaimer that Kate is not a professional counselor. He or she is just answering questions or problems the best they can. Kate cracks me up. Obviously she writes what she feels without any rhyme or reason. I think the section is more hilarious than serious and should be taken as such. It is not a news story, it’s an opinion piece, so we can agree or disagree if we wish, Kate is being herself. If these people want professional advice they should seek out a psychologist and get the sound advice. Also, Kate should not even address some of these issues because it’s people’s lives and we do not know how fragile their minds are. Some may be battling serious demons and may be contemplating suicide. So, be careful Kate. You still make me laugh with your responses.

    • Agreed with most of what you said. She is just an opinion maker. However, although we should not be taking it so seriously because she isn’t a professional…. she should still be held accountable for the advise she gives. There is nothing wrong in questioning advice or giving your own opinion on the advice as it is a free forum. It is important that if someone says something that could do more harm than good, we should speak up. Which is what most in this forum are trying to do rather than to leave the bad advice there for people to think it’s ok.

  8. This is poor and thoughtless advice. Why was there no mention of religious “consequences” on questions relating to adultery, coveting and fornicating?

    What’s the hierarchy of sins, Kate?

    At this rate, you may as well advise everyone who writes in to just pray for their situation.

  9. Firstly, God never created homosexuality. He created a perfect man an a perfect woman. Because of disobedience to God he destroyed the earth but promised he would never do it again. So, man took advantage of that and has been doing things contrary to the laws of God. Now we all have a choice in the way we live. Men with men or women with women was not a plan of God so it most definitely has to be wrong. I stand by what I write!

  10. Another thing….God hates no one not even the devil BUT! What he hates is is our ungodly behavior. Now I’ll leave it to you gues to decide what’s Ungodly. That I’m sure we all know.

  11. As sister of gay brother and lesbian sister young man YOU have a choice …if you havent been sexually abused by a man (in many cases these young boys were sexually assaulted by male family members/frens) and think ….they are GAY …..IF that wasnt the case n your choosing a man over a woman n bcos your father is a pastor n preaches against sin ( homosexuality IS a sin) punishable by GOD n GOD ONLY…does Antigua hv a conselling 4 young people struggling with sexuality….i guess NO …most ppl are naturally juge n jury….My advoce IF its not too late …be honest to yourself with who you truly are …LIVE IN YOUR TRUTH..

  12. Hardcore keep it real Kate. The LGBTQ whatever people have agents who troll Caribbean newspaper websites, talking about, “hate”

  13. God made Adam and eve not Adam and Steve…the Bible says multiply not minus,man to woman multiply the generation and mam to man minus

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