COMMENTARY: Baby Abandonment – Where Are The Fathers

By Audley Phillip

Much has been said and written about a baby that was recently abandoned and placed in a cardboard box and left on a verandah in the Gray’s Hill area. Talk shows and social media have literally lit up with everyone giving their opinions on what transpired and of course how the matter should be dealt with.

Why do mothers abandon their babies though?  What goes through a mother’s mind as she leaves her baby and walk away?  These are just some of the questions that I am sure many persons have asked.  But wait…….read on! Let’s judge less and understand more. It’s an important message to society about circumstances that force mothers to abandon their babies. 

People point fingers at mothers and label them as evil. Fine, maybe somehow they need to carry the blame to their grave. But have people asked themselves ‘where are the fathers?’ Surely it takes two to make a baby. Don’t just give fathers a free pass and lay the blame on the mother alone.  Many fathers are just as guilty and  are responsible for the situation that leads to the mother abandoning the child. Many young women are in relationships with older guys today.  It is a very common practice  in our society.  Because of their socio-economic conditions, many young women are looking for a man who can help them with food, clothing  and other basic necessities as well as  putting a roof over their head.  It has very little to do with love and more to do with daily sustenance  and who is best able to help.     So she finds a man who “raps” well, says all the right things,  he is  obviously very loving, provides very well for her and her family and even pays her school fees and other expenses.  Nothing about this excellent provider is suspicious until she falls pregnant. After telling him that she is pregnant, she would discover that he is married with several children.   More often than not,  that is where relationship ends. 
Mr Lover would encourage her to get an abortion and if she refuses she just might never see him again.    He would never call. Most young women, in their mind, would be  thinking that maybe he is shocked and he will calm down eventually, but that  never happens.  These young mothers to be would carry the baby to full term with absolutely no help and it is during this period that the difficult decision is  made not to keep the baby once it is born.  So sad indeed!
There are lots of men in our society today that refuses to use condoms whilst having sex with their younger partners.  They often assure them that if they  fall pregnant that they will take care of them and the baby.  Most young women allows it but then when they  get pregnant, he man abandons them.
It is this unplanned pregnancy and the lack of support that have driven many young mothers to abandon their new born.  Many are lead to  believe that neither adoption nor abortion was a viable option.  Additionally, young boys and girls with little or no parenting skills are making babies today and neither of them really knows and understands how to care for a child.  So quite often, it is left up to the mother to do what she can.
Young pregnant mothers quite often finds it extremely difficult  to communicate with family members and a feeling of being overwhelmed  is another major factor that might cause a young mother to want to abandon her child.
So what do we do?   We need meaningful programs on sex education and awareness for our young people.  Our society is also in dire need of “teenager-friendly clinics” where young girls in particular can feel comfortable asking for help.
It takes a village to raise a child  and there are many persons in our society today  that are walking around seemingly quite normal.  They smile everyday but we never know how much they are fighting to keep it together.

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