OPINION: Fathers, it’s time we take back our boys from Modern Day, Half Independent, no-need-no Man, Baby Mommas

1. This is indeed true Mr. B.

   I do agree that our men need to take back our sons. More boys need to see and interact with positive male role models more regularly. This has been the regular cry on the heels of a drastic rise in juvenile delinquency. However how much authority do these men really have to ” take back our boys? ”

   We would believe that good fathers who are, or who try to be involved as much as possible, and who are willing to pay 50% of child support or as much as can be afforded, should be allowed to be regular fixtures in children’s lives, right? Well, I’m sorry, and, saddened to say, this doesn’t seem to be the case in these perilous times. Although we want to blame the mothers, and feminism, do I dare say that a certain arm of the government seems to be upholding, what I see as injustices to our children and especially our boys ?

   In recent times due to my community involved nature, 3 situations have been brought to my attention where fathers are unjustly ruled out of their children’s lives, or their roles marginalized drastically due to what I believe is the fact of law and not common law. To say this is erroneous, would be erroneous, but who considers what is erroneous to these children and not a system void of feelings and emotions?

   In the first instance, a female professional who is well learned of the law, fought tooth and nail to keep her child’s father’s involvement to a minimal. Even after having jumped through all of the legal rigmaroles, and no issues were found on his part jer wishes void of reason were satisfied. In a turn of events that was shocking to all, save the bitter mother of the child and her cadre of legal practitioners, he was still issued minimal visitation for the child. Even further, he was instructed to “seek permission” from this professional well learned of the law, should he desire to spend more time than one day weekly, with said child. This doesn’t stop here. Same gentleman, was forced to pay maintenance for this child in excess of $1500/monthly. This is an amount that was proven to be excessive for a preschooler and unaffordable to him. Pieces of evidence, used to show basic necessities for all, were discarded from evidence because they were not in his name. Expenses like, electricity, internet and a home lease were all disregarded because they were in his curreny wife’s name and not his. Are we to believe that a grown man isn’t required to take care of his home and that his wife should do it, so that he is able to provide a lavish lifestyle for a mere child? Before we say, this isn’t the case, this was explicitly pointed out to said gentleman that his name did not appear on these documents and as such, would not be considered as parts of his financial obligations. To show how these men are even further being discouraged from being full-time fathers due to the creation of unjust circumstances, the mother of this child’s income is easily four times as much as this gentleman’s.

   In another situation a man who was ordered by the court to pay child maintenance, would have had his children, should I say abducted by the mother for almost over a year now.

   In this situation before the breakdown of the relationship between the parents, the father would purchase all of the children’s needs. After the separation, he was taken to court and ordered to pay child maintenance. Soon thereafter, the mother migrated and left the children with HIS parents. Seven years later, she returned and went to the court, to collect disbursement for the prior seven years. Needles to say, very little was paid, since he was solely responsible for the children while she was overseas. In a movie like manner, she order the funds to be collected through the court’s bailiff and migrated with the children. To date, he has yet to hear from the children or know of their whereabouts.

   This was again an active father who provided for his children emotionally and financially.

   These are only two of the situations that I have recalled over the past two years. There are more. My question is, what are we, will we or can we do as a society to stop these injustices against innocent children just to spite and oppress the good fathers ?

2. Jah Jah, not today.

   Teach them that their absent fathers, who do not make time for them are superheroes? Many men have the option and access to spend time with their children but choose to chase money or other woman instead, forever cancelling, no-showing or plain disinterested. How dare you even fix your mouth against the only present parent that these boys have.

   Also, broken black men raise broken black boys. Go to therapy and heal and fix yourself and make yourself a suitable role model and a reliable consistent presence. Learn to control your anger and bitterness.

   Too many think passing money is enough, and they fail at even that.

   Men have abdicated their role, and lost their own way. Blind can’t lead blind.

   Men stand up and be present!! Money literally cannot be eaten and will not be remembered. Do better.

   Also, I can list so many men in our society who have been raised by single mothers and who play a meaningful role in society. The list is almost endless and starts at the very top of our nation.

   Women have stayed for years facing literal life and death abuse just to keep the family together and men can’t sacrifice and be a reliable presence in their children’s lives? Some even have the audacity to say they won’t even call their child unless they call them first.

   You sound hurt, sorry to you, but we definitely don’t want out young men been raised in ego or with egotistic traits.

   Ah who send you this good Sunday?? How many children have you raised to be productive members of our society. Tell us that before you start pontificating please.

3. This article was written by an idiot/weak man. No woman chooses to struggle to raise a child by her self. If the child is fatherless it’s because their fathers is the problem. You will harp on the small percentage of women that may chooses to keep a father out their child’s life (for whatever reason) and ignore the 99% scenario where the fathers are worthless and don’t want deal with his own child.
   I was raised by a single mother, and I am a better man/ father than the vast majority of you’ll out there. From picking the type of woman to make my wife( child’s mother), to my child being my absolute priority over anything that may happen between me and my wife. No matter what life may throw at me and my wife I can assure you there’s nothing that can separate me from him. A lot of men think with second head first, so you find yourself in this situation, where baby mama drama exist. You’re to blame for that not the mama, you choose her.

4. Wow! Very interesting debate indeed. I hope from all three male contributors.

5. Some mothers end up raising their children including their sons on their own because of the behaviour or attitude of the mother & not because of irresponsibility of the father.

   During a relationship everything is alright for the mother when all the child needs (financially, medically or otherwise) are met and hence, then children belongs to the two parents.

   However, when the child is in need, especially financially, the child is no longer theirs but it belongs to the father. The mother will make it clear ” YA PICKNEE NEED…… & NOT OUR PICKNEE ” In addition, the financial burden is rested on the Father’s shoulders.

   Now if the father fall short or cannot meet all the needs of the child then the problem develops. According to the nature of the problem between both parents it may then drive the father away.

6. WOW!
   Attacking the parent that stayed and did their best to raise the child does not sound helpful at all.

   This mindset of blaming the single mother is what gives the fathers an excuse to shirk their duties as a parent. Beccause automatically, society is going attack the mother for everything that the child does. They don’t see that she is sacrificing alot of her own dreams for the sake of the child.
   Then child sees everything the mother goes through, so she doesn’t have to say one bad word about the father to the child. The child knows when his father was supposed to come pick him up and never does. He gets accustomed to being let down.
   Some mothers didnt start off single either. Divorce rate is up because as Granny used to say, “the grass always greener on the other side”. But the truth of the matter is, every relationship takes work. And sometimes the father just needs to make a better effort to work through the good and the bad times.

   Alot of our men are in desperate need of therapy because they keep up the vicious cycle: mommy used to sweat and toil and she brought us up. This woman can manage too.

   ANR please stop posting vitriol that divides this nation and seek messages that can bring us together and heal. Enough clickbait!

   Attacking the women in society does NOT solve the problem sir. Please have several seats!

7. This happens quite often in our society but most men choose to quietly “chase other women, money or become absentee fathers.” Very often it is to protect their well being, and rightfully so. Why should a man fight to be in his children’s life? Unfortunately, I agree with them. Walk away n leave the superhero mothers to bear the burden, they want to bear.

8. This is definitely an opinion article because there is no proof of anything uttered here. Sounds like a hyper emotional letter from a bitter man instead of a rational argument based on facts and data. So, clearly women are not necessarily the emotional ones which makes the whole argument that women will raise boys to be too emotional null and void. “Take back”? When in history have men ever raised children? Married or not, child rearing has always been a role nature has given primarily to women. Children physically need their mothers for sustenance from birth up to a few years old and then need them emotionally for several years more. When children are ready to learn more from fathers they naturally begin to gravitate that way usually when they are teenagers. Forcing them away from mothers is damaging as the court has always recognized based on science. Why would any decent man want to come between a child and it’s mother? Hating women for being “independent” and “feminist” is also silly and jumping to conclusions. That ship has long sailed. Most girls growing up for the past two generations take it for granted that of course they are supposed to try to get some kind of career and take care of themselves not wait around for a man to do it. That doesn’t mean they don’t like men. They just assume that men will treat them like a knowledgeable partner with whom to exchange ideas and work as a team towards mutual and family goals instead of as a clueless house slave. Sadly, they are often shocked when they realize that many men in this island still believe that “leading” the family means making decisions with no regard or respect given to their opinions or wishes in life. Sometimes they are being dragged in a direction that is actually detrimental to their well-being so they cut ties and go it alone, not because they hate men but because which human (and yes females are human) would enjoy a life of forced servitude contrary to their best interests?

9. Before men can be decent role models for boys they need to grow up themselves. Males have some natural leadership capabilities but those can only be useful under the right circumstances. Firstly, men in this country need to focus their energies on building a functional community and systems. They are not needed interfering in what women are doing with children. E.g. where are the sidewalks for mothers to push their babies around in strollers while running errands? Where are the community parks for children to play in? Where are the affordable family friendly houses with fenced yards to keep children safe? Where is the 24-7 water system in every community that women need to take care of children and the elderly, cook, wash etc ? Do you know how many times a day a baby needs to be cleaned up? Where is the proper laundry setup in houses and apartments that men build not just for the rich but for the everyday woman to make use of? Where is the healthy food in every community? Men need to go and build something and stop telling women what to do. Many men like to lie around or have fun all the time outside of paid work while women are busy tending to food, clothing, house organization and cleaning, getting children to their many obligations and other activities for a well-rounded upbringing, doctor’s visits and trying to teach children healthy routines, helping with homework, taking them to socialize with friends and family all while men are just talking and trying to tell them what to do, slowing them down and making all that work outside of work more annoying instead of being supportive and useful. Please grow up. Stop telling grown adult females what to do and just be useful yourself.

10. I think the problem in Antigua (also applies to the US) is that black men feel emasculated by not owning much of the land or being as high status as they would like to be in society or in their relationships. The richest people are expats of other races. Some black men resort to unsavory means to make themselves rich, but because their riches were not acquired honestly through hard work and dedication they are not given as much respect by females as they would like. Unfortunately men who care a lot about money and status and can’t have it treat women badly, become very controlling of women etc. because they think that will help them to feel like more of a man. To make matters worse, females pay more attention in traditional classrooms and perform better making men feel even worse. Then, these females try to use the knowledge that they worked so hard to acquire to make decisions for themselves and their families and these men get even more irate that they dare to have a contrary opinion, have better ideas or know more about certain topics. Finally, many more females than males attend church. So, many males do not internalize teachings that say that money and status don’t matter, being a good man does. Meanwhile many females are often just looking for a “good” man – one who works to provide the basics for his family and treats them and their children well. They are not impressed by money or status gotten from bad behavior or pushy controlling dictatorial men. So, these men know they can’t win over these females and they resort to lies and manipulation to try to get together with them, thus ruining the partnership from the very beginning. I’ve noticed that in other islands where black men own their own property more and also in places where the men also practice Christianity at the same level as the women, relationships and respect between men and women is much better. Something to think about…

11. Articles like this are unhelpful because they presuppose a certain narrative that every man is wonderful and would have made a perfect impact on his children if he was allowed to dominate in their lives. We all know this is not true. There are many other men who are terrible, even evil people who should stay far away from everyone even their own offspring. So, any rule that would have men dominate by default would be bad for very many children”s upbringing. Hence, the original feminism (not the twisted one today) sought to put an end to such. Statistically we all know that men are much more likely to do extremely bad things than women. So, of course, women are given custody by default. If a few boys end up on the softer side being raised by a mom alone, it’s not the end of the world, but if a few boys end up turning into reckless evil beings following similar fathers it very well could be… Better to err on the side of caution.

12. Men and women fighting one another will never produce children who turn out perfectly.

13. Yes, fathers are selfishly focused on their well-being and wants. To hell with the well-being of their own child or the well -being of the mother who the child lives with.

    The funniest part of this opinion is that even when a man has his child, visitation or fully, the father still palming the child off on another woman, his new woman, his mother, or some woman friend. Turns out men don’t want the work at all. Too focused on themselves.

    Let’s not even touch on the fact that majority who live in same household are still absent and dare I say lazy so child rearing is still being done by the woman. The man doesn’t seem to have any issue with the mother doing all the parenting then either, because they also getting likkle wife and a maid?

    They will even live in same house and need reminding of child birthday, no clue of their shoe size, no idea what their teachers name, weakest subject, who they have a crush on. They just exist in the house, not parenting anyway.

    Then the relationship ends, and they don’t even call much less make time to see their child, instead spread bitter lies to those around them and sit down and write crappy think pieces like this.
    Could have spent some time with your child instead, or has your son already seen through you and doesn’t even want to be around you, of his own choosing?

    A woman will be begging child to go by his father, who he is already tired of hearing “daddy can’t come for you (again) because xyz,” and still getting falsely accused of preventing access.

    You don’t want to parent, you just want to berate the actual parent.

14. So, men want to lead boys but to where? To become “macho” men who mistreat women and children and fight other men for no reason because that’s the “manly” thing to do? Or, to make money to spend on iPhones and cars while leaving women and girls and the rest of society to suffer without the things that are actually useful in life? Or to fete away life while “Rome burns” and morality collapses? To eat pizza and party or watch sports all day while fighting women and girls who want a few veggies in their life? What is the end goal of leadership by the average male in this country? To spend money on gadgets while condemning women for clothes shopping? To force women to makedo in a shack instead of being too uppity and wanting a modern home? To be too modern with robots and computers instead of enjoying the simple life? What exactly is the plan of the average man that makes them any better at telling children what to do? ‘Cause I see no evidence that that they are interested in healthy food, adequate clothing, adequate housing, reliable transportation, adequate healthcare, adequate education, wholesome social activities for women, children and families. Most women are simply trying to achieve these simple goals while men have other agendas usually focused on achieving social status for their ego with no real benefit to other people’s lives. So, why shouldn’t women choose to half-independently work on these things on their own and teach children to do the same? Why should they beg a man to do things instead of just getting on with it themselves? Isn’t it better to avoid arguments and just do what you have to do? What does half-independent even mean? Do you prefer zero independence and hence total control by you? Why should someone follow you blindly when you don’t even have a plan? And if you have a plan it’s not one they agree with? Maybe men should take some time to think about what’s truly important in life, come up with a proper plan and then women and children would happily sit back and let them lead…

15. I choose not to argue this point because the story was written by someone who is hurt or on behalf of some who is hurt so that’s based on their personal story. I even go further to say who ever had the experience which enable this story need to be in counseling to begin the healing process additionally the story say take base sons how about support sons since you’ve acknowledge that a man can raise a girl and a woman can’t raise a boy like a man would. The word here is support not just the child but the one who birth him because it take two in agreement for this to work in most cases. Be bless…#support

16. Sounds like your fart just woke you bruh.
    sounds like you now want the champ that your baby momma raised well on her own now bruh, you want to now reap the benefits from that youth, you ant to feel proud as a parent, a good father, you want to approval from society that you are a good father. hmmmm…where were you all this time ? Fart woke you indeed, I’ve seen this many times, when the young man or woman turn inna superstar or become successful you then know them and want to make claim bout you now ready to raise them, well well, ya time EXPIRE !
    Society should join and chase you from the face of cavillation, you deserve to live with beasts, SHAME ON YOU !

17. The 2% brain cells I lost after reading your laughable narrative is a clear indication that you would be more effective as a Circus Clown, than a ‘rational thinker.’ Thank you!

18. Hurt, hardly? I’m on the other side of 68, my child-raising days ended 20yrs ago. I stated ‘by extension’ – meaning to a lesser degree. Read to comprehend, not to overreact. Thank you!

19. You just wrote an entire book that wouldn’t sell a single copy. Our Grandmothers didn’t experience said issues with our Uncles? Smaller Prison Population, less HS dropouts, more Marriages, less Homicides, etc. So what’s your point again? 🤔🤔🤔

20. There is a crisis in the Black Family, if we do not address and resolve this issue…im afraid that in the future Common Law and Legal Marriages will be a thing of the past. Thank you!

21. Cease acting in your feelings and strive to respond from a place of facts, data, and statistics. Pretty sure you own a SMARTPHONE and not a DUMBPHONE? 🤔 The word is “GOOGLE!” Nothing in life needs to be 💯%…
    51% will do. Thank you!

22. Now here’s a person who thinks outside the box. Who implies that the size of the Island ‘does not’ define his/her intellectual integrity. One who examines Black issues from global perspectives…and not a Crab Hole. Thank you!

23. Mr Melvin Bridgewater, the world your grandmother grew up in, isn’t the same world today. Men in this society is ruined by social media, pornography, and toxic male culture.

    Society will never be the same, I could find 5000 porn videos in 5 minutes on my phone right now. I don’t need to do walk into a store to buy a magazine or vhs like 40 years ago.

    Single mothers are not the problem, they’re the only ones that don’t have a choice but to adjust to society and STILL raise the child because she has no choice.

24. No need to shift goal posts from Family issues to Politics…stay on course. It takes 2 people to reproduce a child, it should take 2 parents to raise a child. Fathers are worth more than financial obligations. Thank you!

25. Again, who raised the absent Fathers…couldn’t be Men because we were always absent? You just texted a ‘whole lot of nothing.’ Your premise is baseless! 🤔Thank you!

26. Everyone in life has choices! We can choose to live or commit suicide. We don’t have to do anything. All we have to do is pay our taxes and die. It begins with the Women, make better choices. The world does not owe them any excuses for their poor choices in life. Thank you!

27. And our Women are experiencing similiar social obstacles today : social media influences and the likes. Does that mean that they should get and easy pass – having subscribed to Equal Rights, Gender Equality, and Equal Opportunity…asking for Donald Trump? 🤔

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