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Opinion by Brent Simon
For centuries, men have been taught that proposing marriage is both duty and destiny — a performative declaration of love that cements masculinity.
But beneath the romance and candlelight lies an inherited script that has outlived its purpose. The act of men proposing to women is not a gesture of leadership; it is a relic of ownership.
Historically, proposals were never about affection. They were contracts between families — a man didn’t propose to a woman; he proposed to her father.
The ring symbolized not commitment, but transaction: compensation for transfer of guardianship. Love entered the equation only after commerce.
By the 20th century, capitalism baptized the ritual, and De Beers’ diamond campaigns turned male obligation into cultural expectation. The result?
A global tradition where men shoulder economic and emotional risk to “prove” devotion, while women occupy the role of gatekeeper.
But here’s the paradox: in a century obsessed with equality, we continue to cling to one of patriarchy’s most polished performances. Men kneel; women judge. Men plan; women approve.
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The imbalance remains, repackaged in hashtags and engagement reels.
A woman who proposes doesn’t invert power — she equalizes it. She signals not submission, but trust.
She says, “I choose you to lead beside me.” When a woman takes initiative, she validates a partnership based on mutual agency rather than gendered choreography.
True equality isn’t about trading dominance; it’s about erasing scripts that assign one partner perpetual initiative and the other eternal response.
Men, it’s time to question why we keep playing along.
Why do we bear the symbolic burden of pursuit while being told leadership should be shared? Why is vulnerability only romantic when it’s male?
If partnership is truly modern, then the proposal must evolve too.
Let’s imagine a reversal — a world where women initiate commitment.
The cultural shock would be instructive. Men would learn the quiet dignity of being chosen rather than tolerated.
Women would confront the courage required to risk rejection in public.
Both would gain empathy; both would gain balance
This is the catalyst that will end the ‘patriarchy’!
The act of proposing is not trivial — it’s the thesis statement of a relationship.
It defines who holds initiative, who risks embarrassment, and who controls the tempo of commitment. To modernize love, we must modernize that symbolism.
So, men, retire the kneeling posture.
The floor is not your place.
If she believes in partnership, she’ll get down there herself — not because she’s beneath you, but because she finally understands what it means to stand with you.
The man who waits to be chosen isn’t weak. He’s wise enough to know that love, when equal, is not chased, it walks toward him !
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I would love if a lady proposes to me. I find it sexy.
Any woman doing this shit deserves wah she gets. TFOH. Men need women we dont need them. Let them talk long enough and they tell u.
Well, these days men are rarely proposing. I heard one man saying, “why buy the cow if you can get free milk” Single women need to stop performing wife duties. If is sad because we are trampling in the veryvinstitution of marriage and we are trivializing it. Women must know their worth. If you are with a man for 3 years and he shows no serious intent on getting married, it’s time to chase him. If you have to beg a man to marry you, the chances are he will not stay with you.
Hmmmmmm…pure foolishness!
The writer seems so simplistic in his approach. There should be no risk of embarrassment if the both of you are on the same page in terms of commitment.
I love this article, thought provoking and pragmatic.
A man who finds a woman does mean because the woman proposed it wasn’t the man who found this great relationship. I love a woman who goes after what they want. That is the woman who I would work my butt off to give the world too, that woman who makes my life easy. Not complicated, and having ignorant and unnecessary rules. Just say you want me if you do.
The great life I intent to give is going to an easy woman (easy for just me). Easy but still quality. I should be easy for her too. What I ask for is what I am willing to give and more.
May a man with this mindset NEVER find me.
I know the courtship idea sounds boring but trust me there is nothing more exciting than two level- headed people living together knowing that their decision to do so wasn’t decided over dinner and a few drinks.
“Men would learn the quiet dignity of being chosen not tolerated.” It’s sad that many men, particularly in this country view relationships in this manner. The idea that all women are waiting around desperately to be “chosen” is false. Many men believe that though and assume that if a woman says good morning or good afternoon or speaks about anything to be polite or to solve a problem that she is begging to be chosen for romance. This leads to a lot of unnecessary issues and hinders progress in developing the country and society. On the other hand, the idea that only the man is “choosing” during a proposal is false. Men often assume that they are the only ones paying attention to a particular woman. Meanwhile, she is routinely turning down advances from other men. So, if you get to the proposal stage with her after a suitable period of time and she says yes, then she is in fact choosing you over the others. Some men start talking about marriage from day one – that’s a bit too soon for anyone to decide on a life partner, but if you two were dating exclusively for a while then you were already chosen as a strong contender because most others would not have made it past the first conversation or two. So, when it’s done right two persons are already choosing one another. No one is just being “tolerated”. If you feel just “tolerated”, perhaps you’re not making much effort to find a good compatible match but just assuming any supposedly desperate woman will do… So, nothing is wrong with the traditional proposal. It’s better for men to propose because they are often the ones least committed and just in things for a fun time instead of seriously trying to determine the right match. By proposing they show their commitment. The woman was already showing some commitment by dating him over all the others in the first place.
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