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Dear Men, She’s Changing… It’s Not You, It’s Not Her, It’s Perimenopause
Funnily enough, before writing this piece, I had a solid plan: take my magnesium glycinate + D3 + K2 combo (a cocktail sexier than anything I had in my twenties), chase it with 5-HTP, and then… brilliance would flow. Simple, right?
Except, after fetching the water, I forgot why I had water. Then I lost the glass. The tablets were still in the bottle, and I was staring blankly into the void, wondering what task I had set out to do in the first place. Welcome to brain fog, now available in 4K and surround sound, brought to you by your very own hormones.
I used to walk into rooms with purpose. Now I walk in, look around like a confused ratta, and walk back out like a sad, perimenopausal ninja. My children think it’s hilarious… most of the time.
I laugh too, nervously, while internally panicking that my brain might be doing daily memory dumps like an old computer trying to update on dial-up (remember those days?).
But let me tell you what’s really fun: living in a body that feels like a knockoff version of my old self. A body that betrays me with eternal heat, dry spells (yes, those too), and mood swings so fierce, I swear I’ve growled at my reflection.
One minute, I’m sobbing into a pillow because you looked at me funny. The next, I’m apologizing with the desperation of someone trying to reverse a nuclear missile after it’s launched. I snap, I scream, then I weep; not because I want to, but because my emotional dial has been set to “Apocalypse Mode.”
And sex? Let’s talk about the elephant in the bedroom. My libido left the chat somewhere between the third load of laundry and my latest hormone crash. It’s not you babe, it’s really not you; it’s just that my body’s thermostat is stuck on “hell” and my nerve endings have taken an unpaid sabbatical. Still, I remember what it felt like to be close, to want you deeply. I still love you, more than I can sometimes show. I’m just fighting to feel like me again.
I see the distance creeping in. I see your confusion, your withdrawal, the silent question: “What happened to her?” And I get it. This isn’t the woman you fell in love with. Some days, she’s not even someone I recognize. But I promise you, she’s in here. Buried under layers of hormonal haze, broken sleep, and battles with rogue chin hairs; she’s still here, and she still wants you beside her.
So no, don’t trade me in. Don’t think I don’t notice the way the world worships the younger, sexier, less complicated “model upgrades” of women. But remember, they too, will one day sweat through their sheets at 3 a.m. while crying over a missing sock and wondering if their partner still finds them beautiful.
All I ask is this: don’t run. Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t take it personally. Instead, stand beside me, steady and strong, even when I’m flailing. Hold my hand. Hand me the water I misplaced. Laugh with me when I cry because I forgot how to spell “Wednesday.” Kiss me on the forehead and say, “We’ve got this.”
Because we do.
Even now, especially now, I need you. I love you. And I promise, this too shall pass. (Right after I remember where I put my damn keys.)
With all the love and all the madness,
Your Perimenopausal Partner-in-Crime
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This menopause thing in women is a serious thing that can adversely affect your relationship if you don’t understand what is happening. It can lead to a loss of intimacy and sexual intercourse which can make couples feel distant from each other. From a husbands standpoint, it is important to educate yourself about menopause and the signs. Try not to put undue pressure on your lady. Accept her silence because it comes with the condition. Resist the need to snap back when she gets miserable and argumentative. Many women are easily irritated by their partner during this period and sometimes feel they need to withdraw from the relationship as they try to manage the symptoms. As men we have to find coping mechanisms. It is not personal.
I call bullshit on this one!
You women always finding ways to avoid acting like responsible adults. It’s never your fault and when it is it’s because of something or someone else.
What I see hear is an appeal for the SIMPletons to keep accepting your tirades and attacks,rude and disrespectful words and actions. Accept you as you are .
No… Grow the F@#( up…..!
I feel very lucky, I never went through those issues. I think I can follow her though, I experienced some of the feelings without the cause or perhaps a different cause….and I ran…ran far and fast.
We all go through changes and that is the time remembrance of the vows we made through good times and bad, richer or poorer, better or worse is most important.
Thank you for this article!
I hope a lot of men and women read this article so we can understand what is going on as we women go through the change in our lives.
Btw some men go through some thing similar also!..
Just be patient and give us some understanding also.
Thanks again for this article..
I see the symptoms in a lot of people all the time..
Especially some supervisors, I shake my head and think to myself she is probably going through menopause (sigh)
@sickened
Statistics show that 85% of women experience perimenopause. While your feelings may be valid, it’s important to recognize that you can’t speak on behalf of women, especially when many of them are still trying to make sense of what’s happening to their own bodies. The truth is, not enough people are talking about it, and both men and women are left struggling in silence.
One thing’s for sure, no woman is looking to be led by someone who panders instead of partners. And when the day comes that you’re facing your own health shifts, like ED, I hope the woman in your life offers you the same patience and understanding.
Men and women are not enemies.
Mama never told us there’d be days like those.
I have the memory issues. But somehow I’m riskier….go figure.
That should’ve been FRISKIER LOL…
I get friskier too. Now it’s hubby who struggles to keep up with my demands.
The brain fog and the sudden mood swings are part of the package tho, so keep your legs and arms inside the vehicle and hang on.
@Sickened – You are an example of why education is necessary. Hormones control a lot of our behaviours. That feeling like you can take on the world…that’s testosterone. The happy, Euphoric feeling…dopamine. That “friend-for-life” feeling…oxytocin. Ladies, a little tip. When your fluid pressure gets low, use some castor oil. It’s natural and has the added benefit of extending the fun.
All this piece does, is confirm the well known argument that 80% of divorce are initiated by women 😂..so now stop blaming the damn man for everything.
But it’s funny to me that women always have an cap-out, but the man has to deal with the shit from young to old.. 😂.
So many double standards, and that’s why I try to at least teach my son how to stand on his principles now he start dating to get married.
I can’t even begin to talk about menopause. I’m at work in an air conditioned office where everyone has on sweaters, scarfs and hoodies, and me? I’m in a cold swear and feel as if my body is burning from the inside out. The struggle is real.