My marriage is on sinking sand

12
Dear Kate
My husband and I of 3 years have been having marital problems for some time now. My husband states that I’m not there for him emotionally and I put my family before him and the ways in which I speak to him, he does not like it… These problems I’ve stated have been there from since we got married and I admit most of them is true, I’m not really an emotional person and I find it hard at times to cuddle etc which are things that he likes, my friend circle is really small I can count on 1 hand the amount of friends I have so I cling to my family I’m not a party girl and I find simple pleasures in staying home an reading a good book or keep my house tidy… Over the years my husband has tried his best to be there where I fall short emotionally he’s told me countless times how he feels about it but I just taught he was being a big baby and always brushed it off because I taught we had bigger issues then trying to be cuddly…
After hurricane Irma last year my husband was transferred to another island to assist and was eventually stationed over there to work… Financially we were in the red and we both agreed him working over would help with our financial situation as it would bring in more money… I got another job also to help… I wasn’t able to the island because of the 2 jobs I had and I taught he understood…
Late last year I started noticing a change in my behavior, he stopped communicating with me… Knowing I would’ve flown off the handle if I called and asked him what I going on I opted to message him, my first message was read and I got no reply, a few days later I attempted to message him again it was then he revealed to me that he was not happy and started to bring out the issues I mentioned about. I was so angry and frustrated with this man because I honestly taught we were passed this… So I told him it makes no sense continuing this marriage if he’s still holding onto the pass… I admit I didn’t mean what I said and I just wanted him to realize what he’s losing…
 A few weeks later he came home and I taught that this was the opportunity to try and fix our marriage, but when he came over he didn’t come back home, I tried, I begged, I pleaded with to come home and let us work on our marriage, I even got countless people to talk to him to let him know I was sorry and I was willing to work and fixed all that he said was wrong in our marriage…but to no avail..
He just didn’t care anymore….
I even asked him to have intercourse to which he turned me down an said I should find someone to have it with because he’s not there… I recently found out that he’s in a relationship someone he met on the island he denied it at first until I found pics of him and this other woman… He has done countless things since that has left me embarrassed and ashamed… At one point I told him to choose this girl or his wife- he chose her.
He has completely blocked me from his life he won’t even take me calls..
Even after all this I still want my husband to just come home and let us work on our marriage.. even after all this I still love this man endlessly…even after all this I still cry every night and every morning because he’s not there…
I just miss my husband so much…
Am I being foolish for wanting a man that clearly doesn’t want me anymore?
Broken Wife
Dear Broken Wife,
You are not being foolish by wanting to be with your husband. But you were foolish to brush off his complaints.
He complained to you for the first couple of years in the marriage that you were not there for him emotionally.
When people are not there for each other emotionally it can have some serious effects. Humans have the tendency to stay where they feel comforted, loved, happy and all of that.
You fell short of providing that for your husband and we found it somewhere else.
I don’t think he was being a big baby when he told you about his emotional needs. I think he was being honest and for a man to admit that it means he was greatly affected by it.
I am sorry for your hurt but you have to face some hard facts. One of them is that your marriage could be over. And you face it, then you won’t be able to move on.
If he is publicly displaying his affection for his newly found love, then it means that they are serious. It also means that he doesn’t care anymore about continuing the marriage with you.
I am not blaming you. However sometimes we have to listen to our partners cries even though we find it petty and trivial because to them, its a concern.
Accept that your marriage is over. Then begin working on yourself. In order for anyone to be filled up again, they must be emptied. So there is hope. It may not be with your husband.
Best
Kate

12 COMMENTS

  1. Broken Wife, It is your fault

    +15-621 ratings
  2. BCOS your so stiff necked you ran ur husband into the arms of another woman…..this is ALL your doing …HOW IS YOUR LEMONADE GURL….your cold and distant..you sound full of yourself. Now the handwriting on the wall and you CLEARLY see what your abt to loose nowwwww…you reaching out ….

    Once a person is gone mentally from ANY relationship its done ……many of us women & men think bcos a person is there physically they still into relationship …and that is the worst….when a person has LEFT you mentally…

    How to get back your husband ….have you 1st humbled yourself ….have you go into the PRESENCE of GOD and repent….

    Leave him alone Idk if he’s still on paper your HUSBAND….he will eventually come home IF he truly love YOU…

    +13-013 ratings
  3. Maybe the time spent telling Kate and the entire country your business would be better spent learning punctuation.

    +15-1732 ratings
  4. I know people sometimes say these letters are fake, but this one is clearly real. The way it is written is very authentic (spelling errors and all).
    But I agree with Kate on this one, the wife did not listen when she was getting the warnings. Now the man has moved on. People think men dont feel or need support. Poor guy. I am happy he is happy and the wife needs to move on. She is not the first or last person to get divorced. She can now find someone who is a better match for her kind of love.

    +6-410 ratings
  5. Child why didn’t you listen to this man when he was telling you how he felt??

    “…he’s told me COUNTLESS TIMES how he feels about it but I just taught he was being a big baby and always brushed it off because I taught we had bigger issues then trying to be cuddly…”

    It’s a shame you had to learn the hard way, now he had to take his love away. If you don’t “do right”, someone else will.

    IF* he comes back to you, I hope that you do “come correct” this time around

    +5-05 ratings
    • IT THE ONLY WE HUMANS KEARN….THE HARDESET WAY…..NOW SHE WILL BE MORE COMPASSIONATE …AND GOOD LISTENER

      +4-26 ratings
  6. Sad, sad indeed. Society has always drilled the image of men being feminine or weak if they cry too much or complain about issues’s emotional wise. It is well known that the average Woman thrive’s from copious amount’s of affection. Unfortunately many seem to forget that men have feeling’s and need’s just like women do. We are all HUMAN! Your husband has turned his back because you could not or refused to acknowledge his numerous warning’s and plea’s pertaining to your lack of showing emotion etc. In marriage’s there is something called “Compromise” , your excuse of saying “you are not emotional by nature” does not apply to your Husband. It is sad the way thing’s turned out, but because of your neglect he has been driven into the arm’s of another woman who is willing to give him the affection he has been needing from you. As his wife you have failed him, as your husband he has abandoned the Marriage prematurely. I suggest you make a great effort to learn from the experience, leave him be and just move on with your life. Your marriage is not on sinking sand, your marriage is a ship that has already sunk so deep it cannot be recovered.

    +11-213 ratings
  7. Move on lady, but you also need to find out if you are autistic before you start another relationship.

    +3-47 ratings
  8. Girlfriend your marriage done gone. Use this experience and go look for a man. You know better now. If by some chance your husband does com back to you, you know what you got to do to keep your man.
    Btw nothing wrong with the single life you can even have more fun that way.

    +2-13 ratings

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