{"id":190567,"date":"2023-11-19T11:16:47","date_gmt":"2023-11-19T15:16:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/antiguanewsroom.com\/?p=190567"},"modified":"2023-11-19T11:16:47","modified_gmt":"2023-11-19T15:16:47","slug":"letter-ablp-rejected-me-when-i-applied-to-be-a-sycophant-satirical","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/antiguanewsroom.com\/letter-ablp-rejected-me-when-i-applied-to-be-a-sycophant-satirical\/","title":{"rendered":"LETTER: ABLP Rejected Me When I Applied to be a Sycophant (Satirical)"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Editor,<\/p>

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In October, I submitted a formal application to the Antigua and Barbuda Labour Party (ABLP) to be registered as a party sycophant.<\/p>\n

But to my utter shock and horror, I got word last week that my application was rejected! For the life of me, I cannot figure out why.<\/p>

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I went to the party HQ on Nugent Avenue in October and got an official sycophant application form and filled it out correctly.<\/p>

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I made no errors and even had current sycophants review my form before I submitted it.<\/p>\n

My application was very strong. Firstly, I demonstrated my intellectual dishonesty, which is very important. I submitted photos and documentation demonstrating that the community where is live is neglected.<\/p>

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The roads are a complete mess. Vector control is near non existent. We hardly get water, or they keep turning it on only at night.<\/p>\n

And there’s a lot of youth unemployment. A lot of guys I knew as young woman growing up are just in the block doing nothing, and the MP like she has not plan for the area.<\/p>

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But despite all of that, I demonstrated on my application that I have nonetheless praised the government and the party and I have supported the party at many of its events.<\/p>

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I have lied directly to people’s faces about issues I know are wrong, but I do it for the good of the party. I lie to myself too.<\/p>\n

Secondly, I also demonstrated my capacity as keyboard warrior – very important to the application.<\/p>\n

I have used all my social media profiles to promote Labour. I am especially active on Facebook, where I lie in wait for anyone who criticises the government or the party, and I drag them.<\/p>\n

I attack and try my hardest to deny, disinform and discredit. The first step is to deny that what they are saying is even true.<\/p>\n

Call them a liar straight-up. Then I give alternative facts about how the issue has already been addressed, is being addressed, or is the fault of the previous administration, so as to deflect blame from the party.<\/p>\n

Then I discredit them. I try to be in people’s business as much as possible. If there’s something about them that I know, I will try to use to my advantage – where they work, how much they make, who they friends with, what party they support, if they have any debts, if they family involve in anything scandalous – things like that.<\/p>\n

This is how I discredit them. And I know that I’m good at it. I also make sure to @ all my party friends as well so that it can be a feeding frenzy.<\/p>\n

Thirdly, I demonstrated my capacity to kiss ass. During the campaigning in January, every opportunity I got, I would go and campaign with the MP and tell her how good she look, and how she was doing a wonderful job.<\/p>\n

I even baked a banana bread for her. I left it with her campaign people, so I don’t know if she ever got it. Every morning, I still message her page on fb with a greeting and a blessing for the day.<\/p>\n

Fourthly, I demonstrated my capacity for worshipping the party leader. Nobody have Gaston Browne name good good in there mouth like me.<\/p>\n

No one! I am a public servant for years now, and I make sure that every morning, I let the whole office know dat it’s because of the honourable Gaston Browne, that we have clothes on our backs and food on the table to feed our children.<\/p>\n

By his grace and mercy alone, do we eat our daily bread. I don’t understand why he hasn’t been made a national hero as yet. He is just so wonderful.<\/p>\n

I actually met him once, and just one look at the man, you could tell that the country was in good hands. If he wasn’t a married man, I might see if he needed a wife. But he already have a wife.<\/p>\n

Having said all that, I cannot understand why my application to be a party sycophant was turned down. I lie to myself about the state of my country. I attack people who speak out. I flatter ceaselessly. I have always been servile. And I just love Gaston Browne. So why was my application rejected?!<\/p>\n

This is not fair. If you support the party you’re supposed to get a reward. That’s how it works. You do things to get things.<\/p>\n

Well I want many things, and I was hoping that this new position would start me in the right track in the party. Maybe after becoming a sycophant, I could become an ambassador or something, or get a contract to watch paint dry. I have ambition.<\/p>\n

I am making an appeal to my never-to-be husband Gaston Browne, please review the application process for party sycophants. I want to be one, and I don’t think I was fairly treated.<\/p>\n

Susanette<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Editor, In October, I submitted a formal application to the Antigua and Barbuda Labour Party (ABLP) to be registered as a party sycophant. But to my utter shock and horror, I got word last week that my application was rejected! For the life of me, I cannot figure out why. I went to the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":120938,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-190567","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"yoast_head":"\nLETTER: ABLP Rejected Me When I Applied to be a Sycophant (Satirical) - Antigua News Room<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/antiguanewsroom.com\/letter-ablp-rejected-me-when-i-applied-to-be-a-sycophant-satirical\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"LETTER: ABLP Rejected Me When I Applied to be a Sycophant (Satirical)\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dear Editor, In October, I submitted a formal application to the Antigua and Barbuda Labour Party (ABLP) to be registered as a party sycophant. 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