Dear Kate: Why does he try to control how I look?


Dear Kate,

I have been dating this guy for six months and lately, he’s been complaining about everything I do. He HATES my natural hair and he always wants me to get my hair braided or weaved. I honestly don’t like these things because I have curly natural hair so there is no need for that.
He even complains about how I dress. I enjoy covering my body because I think modesty is the best policy but he wants me to wear short dresses that show expose my skin. He even tries to get me to wear makeup and it’s driving me crazy.
I am now at a state where I feel very depressed, I feel like I’m not beautiful. If a man can’t love me in my natural state how can he love me in a fake state?
I honestly don’t know what to do because I am still young and new to this. I love my partner but I’m confused as to why he would want me to do this.

Yours truly,


Dear Confused,

Sometimes it appears that I am very brutal in my responses and maybe so; but never let anyone, especially your partner do anything but lift you up.
From all indications; this loverĀ of yours is trying to make you something you are not and thats already a red flag.
Skimpy cloths, make-up, weaves…I mean theres nothing wrong with that; but if its not your thing he shouldn’t want you to change especially when he met you with your natural attributes.
Now, the reason people enter relationships (I hope) is to get to know each other to eventually determine if their partner is suitable for a lifelong relationship.
Some people meet and they are a match made in heaven. Others have to date many kinds to finally get who they were made out for.
O.k…Lets cut to the chase. If this man of yours cannot complement your peace then get rid of him because you might end up living a life you’re not happy with.
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  1. Be true to YOU….Change for no man or boy EVER
    TODAY is clothes makeup hair …Tommorrow is something again …he will never be happy cos HAPPINESS COMES FROM WITHIN……HE WANTS TO MOLD YOU INTO HOW HE THINKS YOU SHOULD LOOK…WHOS GONNA BE HAPPY IN THE END….

    THE 1ST RULE OF LOVE IS ACCEPTANCE….clearly he dnt ..

  2. What’s the difference between a woman wearing a short skirt and slept with a man without being one and one who wears a long skirt and does the same. Morality is from the heart and sometimes we want others to compromise but we ourselves won’t but I agree with what Kate says. Donkey have no right in horse race.

  3. I do not agree with Kate. I don’t think the guy is trying to change her at all. I think he’s trying to bring out a certain side of her that could be more attractive to him. Everyone has two sides. Obviously, he loves her. If he didn’t, he would not waste his time trying to show her a different style of dressing; rather, he’d be out there cheating on her with someone who dresses sexier. I strongly believe that for a relationship to work, the two people in it need to compromise. There’s nothing wrong in dressing conservative sometimes…but sometimes, it wouldn’t hurt to wear something sexy either. I’m sure she can find clothes that are sexy, yet conservative; like a long body hugging dress with a pair of heels. She can also find a hairstyle that is natural, yet elegant; like a top knot bun with medium hoop earrings. She doesn’t have to wear a boat-load of makeup; some foundation, conceal her eyebrows (or get them shaped up), some eyeliner and lip gloss makes a very big difference. Sometimes we have to meet out partner halfway to make the relationship work or we’ll end up losing that person that we love.


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