DEAR KATE: I got pregnant by a dead beat


Dear Kate,

I was seeing this man and he said he was single, now I am having his child and only recently I just found out that him and his child mother is still together. I am hurt, yes, and I have moved on but my problem is that I am having his child and he has not addressed the matter in terms what he is doing.

His child mother has messaged me on my phone saying he does not deny the child but as long as they are together she will not let him take care of his child (with me). What she saying is not my concern but I have tried to call him many times and there is no answer.

What to do


Dear What To Do,

His child’s mother cannot decide whether or not he is taking care of his child. Be strong, we all make mistakes and many women are in that position even today. Once you can prove that the child is this man’s seed, then he has a mandatory obligation by law to care for the child. You need to begin to gather your evidence against him.

You need to try to communicate with him to give him the chance to say whether or not he intends to take care of the child. As a matter of fact, he has to care for the child growing in your belly. He has to share the cost of clinic/doctor visits and any medication you may need along the way.

Once you have the child his duties must continue until the child is 18 years. Don’t let this man be one of those dead beat dads who are not taken to task for neglecting their children. This child is his responsibility, just as much as it is yours.

As I said, you didn’t hear the neglect to care statement from him this is why you need to get his position and ensure you have it on record so you can use that as evidence.


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  1. Kate the law says 18 but if the child goes to university he’s still obliged to take care of the child until he/she finishes university

    • While I agree that a perain should not affix a time by which they will cease financial obligation to their child, one is not compelled to take financial responsibility for a person after age 18. Real parents are the ones who love unconditionally and hence for them age 18 is in no way a cut off time.

  2. Lady take that sperm donor to court for child support.
    Go to the Magistrate Court on High Street for details of applying after tha baby is born.
    Don’t ever make that mistake again.
    Use your brain and a condom.
    Oh and make sure you get tested for HIV.
    Pull yourself together and I hope you are employed.
    His woman should be ashamed to call herself a woman.

  3. If you are sure it’s his child seek an Attorney and let them write him so that he can contribute during pregnancy at birth and after. If he’s not stepping up to his responsibilities and answering his phone let the Attorneys write and please get a female Attorney.

  4. The woman that messaged you and told you …
    Her man will not be taking care of his child….as long as he’s with her….
    Wowwww…..she should be ashamed of her low self esteemed self is it HER decision…I dnt think so…she jus proved how illerate and sad she really is…and IF he such a man trapped in a boys body does jus what she says n dnt hold his END of the financial responsibility then the law will….

    This is the reason so many children dnt have fathers in their lives cos when its not low self esteemed wives its their woman threatening them about his responsibility….
    I hope he MAN UP and do right by his child …

    Wives n women can be changed but your child is its 4 life…

  5. The problem with today’s ladies are that they Have no morals hence the get trap with someone whose is worse off than them where morality is concerned. Antigua is small so no one have no excuse about who them go with now a child has to suffer for our mistakes. SMH

    • The young lady said he claimed he was single. How does that imply that she has no morals. This young woman was fooled into thinking that she was entering a monogomous relationship when she was not. The man is an unscrupulous liar and men as such should have greater action taken against them other than the obligation of paying child support. Too many men are out here ruining our young women’s lives just for sake of “having a taste” and trashing them when the baby comes into play. This is the truth and it needs to be addressed.

      • I don’t agree one bit with these men but the women are too easy they won’t do proper investigation before they go and have unprotected sex with strangers

  6. Who said it was unprotected sex?? She did not know that he had a woman alot of men do this even married men I think it’s sickening however carry him to court if he really doesn’t want to take care of the innocent child …..but every child is a blessing regardless…take care

  7. So much of us men and women think its only about the finances, but its more than that.

    We men must step up to the plate to take full responsibilities of our children; whether we had them through ill-moral affairs or wedded. Not only financially also, but being there for our children, being there for their tears, their laughters. If we cannot be there physically for 100% try at least to be there especially during the foundation years when the child needs that father’s hands of love and discipline.

    Mothers you also have that important role; whether you and the child’s father are not or are seeing eye to eye, let the father be a father. Don’t be the play the role of a man when he is being the father. Don’t try to embarrass or bring him down infront of that child or any other. Don’t interrupt his responsibilities, if he went wrong and have a child outside, i mean, if he did wrong let him serve his punishment by being there for that child and ALL others and pay the bills of your home at the same time, whether he want to or not, force him.

    Denying one child his/her father; it is best you tie a millstone around your neck and through it into the sea, for you will punishing all of us in the society, including those that are immediately around you.

    karma they say is a bitch!

  8. This is why men will continuously disrespect lie cheat to decent women because they got females who take their sides and allow them to run around like dogs and take them in and justify their bad habits. Not only girlfriends or wives but mothers to. As for the young lady doing investigations on the dude? Sometimes u can do all the investigations u can on a person and still don’t know who they truly are until they show u. Young lady ik how it feels and if this guy decides he does not want to be there emotionally for your kid make up your mind to do it on your own ensuring u never blame this kid for this unfortunate situation. Some people commenting here act like their life is perfect. Oh! If the guy name is PETER C he’s and his baby moms are trash….. Keep your head up and move on……with God everything is possible. Who feels it knows it

  9. Hi ladies, I write as a woman who is so concerned about the child/ren in any relationship. It is alright when the “shoe is on the other foot, but if it was her in that situation, how would she have dealt with the matter. Every child has a RIGHT to both parents whether they are married or not, and ladies dot hate let us love for God sake

  10. Volmer Cochrane living in Canada but originally from the Urling’s area. Old Cocky begs his hard working pickney to help him with his money problems. You see Cocky has a new young African wife as he old like a dried coconut. Cochrane’s new wife have family, young baby nieces and nephews in Africa and she wants to bring them to Canada to live with them. Cochrane old and haffa retire from job soon and a constantly begging money from he son, he son gives him a ton of money and offer him a job to work with him. The young boy bend over backwards to help he father and he new African wife. Cocky then goes behind he son back and steal the sons clients and copy he business and take fuhey money to nyam. Old Cocky is now back on island acting like the big head after he thief he son money, trying to buy people land with the boys money.


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